Mad Jack Hanks: Tales From the O-NO Ranch 7-2-12 | TheFencePost.com

Mad Jack Hanks: Tales From the O-NO Ranch 7-2-12

Mad Jack Hanks
Wellington, Colo.

Joe is one of those guys that is not always funny when he tells a story. But the other day was a little different.

First, a little background on this feller Joe. Before he retired he was responsible for the draft horse program at the Budwiser plant in Fort Collins, Colo. Joe’s humor is usually from left field and a little dry.

“Did ya see that bumper sticker that said, ‘honk if you love Jesus, text if you want to meet Him?'” ask Joe.

“No I didn’t Joe, but that’s funny, that’s funny stuff,” I shot back.

“Did I tell ya my pirate joke?” asked Joe.

“I’m not sure,” I responded, “try me again.”

Recommended Stories For You

“This pirate goes into a tavern. He has a peg leg, a hook for his right arm and a patch over his eye.” Joe goes on, “The bar keep says, ‘I’ve seen a lot of pirates, friend, but you are the best lookin’ pirate I’ve ever seen. Do you mind if I ask you how you lost yer leg?’ ‘No, not at all,’ says the pirate. ‘I was on me pirate ship and had drunk a wee too much rye and me fell overboard and a shark came up and snatched me leg and away he went. The boys helped me back on board.'”

“‘Wow! That’s some story, tell me how did you lose that arm?’ wondered the bar keep. ‘Well mate, I was on me pirate ship and was tussling with one of me ship mates. I had had a little too much rye and he got the best of me and off the ship I went. A big shark swam by and snatched me right arm and off he went.'”

“‘Man, you have had some really rough luck, how did you lose that eye?'”

“‘Well sir, I was on me pirate ship and looking up at the mast to be sure the sails were in order when a sea gull flew over and he dumped right in me eye. IT WAS ME FIRST DAY WITH ME HOOK!'”

“Now that’s funny Joe, that’s really funny,” I praised my friend Joe.

You see, gentle readers that is a good example of what goes on down at the T Bar Inn over coffee a good part of the time. I ask you, “Is that not a fun way to start the morning?” I told Joe that I was going to use his “stuff” in my column. His only request was that I spell his name correctly. “It’s JOE, Jack, JOE, be sure you get it right.” Well, I may have taken some liberties with the way he gave his request, but really, who cares?

On my way to the bank on me Harley this morning after coffee I stopped at our only stop light in town. A comical lookin’ feller pulled up beside me on an old Harley. He was really skinny, had a full beard and was wearing one of those “Snoopy” aviator leather hats tied under his chin. We glanced at one another I had my juke box playing some Waylon on the speakers when he nodded and ask, “You headed to the interstate?”

“No sir, I’m headed up the street to the bank, or I’d run with ya.”

I just assumed that he wanted me to run with him for a while. I was flattered because he was the real deal. He had his bed roll and all he could get on that ole Harley and a “free spirit” he was. I was just a “poser” on a Harley and that’s all I’ll ever be. Just an old cowboy playin’ “biker.” Just the same I felt validated. I went south, he headed to the interstate. Just one of those little moments like hearing some “funny stuff,” that sort of makes your day start off on the right foot.

Stay tuned, check yer cinch on occasion, and I’ll c. y’all, all y’all.

By the way, please support you local rodeo and have a safe 4th of July. Don’t start any fires by being stupid!