Milo Yield: Friend’s gaffe at a country concert makes for great story | TheFencePost.com

Milo Yield: Friend’s gaffe at a country concert makes for great story

Socially awkward situations ­— they happen to all of us, and by their very definition, they always happen at inopportune times.

Such wuz what happened to my ol' county extension agent buddy — you'll remember he's Avery Ware — when he and three friends attended a recent concert at the old Grenada Theater in Emporia. Avery told the story on himself and gave his okay to put in it this column. (Not that I really needed it.)

Two of Avery's friends had acquired four tickets to the Diamond Rio concert when the popular country-western group came to Emporia. They invited Avery and his friend to accompany them.­

Avery said they were good tickets, close to middle-front, with the added benefit of "meet and greet" privileges with Diamond Rio backstage before the show started.

So, when the foursome arrived early, someone associated with the show said, "Follow me. We'll go meet the band." The group traipsed downstairs into the basement and were instructed to wait until it wuz their turn for the meet and greet.

Avery said he could see that pictures were being taken in an adjoining and thought it would be nice to have a Diamond Rio souvenir picture as a memento of the evening.

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Eventually, four fans emerged from the adjoining room and Avery's group advanced to take their place. "But, when we got in there," Avery said, "I saw four average-looking folks in blue jeans and I thought perhaps that we were pushing ahead of them in the line of meet and greeters. So, I politely asked, 'Are you folks next in line to see Diamond Rio?' One of the guys smiled real big, stuck out his hand to shake, and replied, 'Nope. We ARE Diamond Rio.'"

Avery said the whole room erupted in laughter — with his friends and the Diamond Rio group all laughing at his red-faced expense.

In telling me the story, Avery said he expected the guys in Diamond Rio to be dressed fancier than he wuz. but they weren't.

All's well that ends well. Avery said the concert wuz great and now he's got a great story to tell on himself that will make the memory of the evening even better.

•••

In light of the ISIS terrorist attacks in Belgium, I think it's appropriate to give a little publicity to the transcript of a television ad produced by the National Rifle Association and narrated by none other than patriotic country music legend Charlie Daniels.

Here's Charlie Daniels' words in the NRA ad:

"To the ayatollahs of Iran and every terrorist you enable: Listen up … you haven't met America.

"You haven't met the heartland or the people who will defend this nation with their bloody, calloused, bare hands, if that's what it takes. You haven't met the steelworkers and the hard-rock miners, or the swamp folks in Cajun country who can wrestle a full-grown gator out of the water.

"You haven't met the farmers, the cowboys, the loggers and the truck drivers. You don't know the mountain men who live off the land, or the brave cops who fight the good fight in the urban war zones.

"No, you've never met America. And you oughta pray you never do.

"I'm the National Rifle Association of America and I'm freedom's safest place."

•••

I know serious politics don't mesh with the usual content of a supposedly-humorous column. But, folks, sometimes I get so danged mad at circumstances beyond my control that I just gotta vent — and this column is the best way I know to vent to let others know how I feel.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I wuz embarrassed for the good ol' USA, when I saw our president hamming it up at a baseball game in Communist Cuba one day and the next day doing the Samba at a party with the new president of Argentina while our allies in Belgium and the rest of Europe were grieving in the aftermath of the Brussels' terrorist-inspired tragedy.

Maybe I'm too old-fashioned, too sentimental, too patriotic and too out-of-touch. That's a good possibility. But, I feel what I feel.

•••

Seen on a T-Shirt: "'Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms' should be a convenience store, not a government agency."

•••

Speaking of my senility, I thought you would want to know about a new e-mail virus. Even the most advanced antivirus programs cannot take care of this one. It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1955.

Symptoms: Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. Done that! Causes you to send a blank e-mail. That too! Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person. Yep!

Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. Ah ha! Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. Well, darn! Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished. Oh, no not again! Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND." And I just hate that! Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE." Oh No!

It's called the "C-NILE VIRUS."

Did I already sent it to you? Or did you send it to me? Enuf. Have a good 'un. ❖