Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 1-17-11
Damphewmore Acres, Kan.
My last week’s column story about chewing “good” tobacco prompted a similar true story coming from my Iowa sheep shearing buddy, ol’ Nick deHyde.
Nick sez years ago he wuz working at the local farmer’s cooperative and one retired farmer frequented the co-op office about daily to partake of the free coffee and free conversation – both about equally stimulating.
However, this particular farmer seemed particularly proud that he’d quit chewing snoose. But, Nick sez what that farmer really did wuz quit buying snoose and start bumming snoose from his friends. One that he hit up for a free dip about daily wuz Nick. And, Nick sez he didn’t particularly mind that the retiree bummed a daily chew and gladly obliged.
But then one day the retiree happened to go on a splurge and brought a box of donuts to share with the co-op employees and the others kibitzers around the place.
Well, it just so happened that a few moments before the benefactor came into the office with his box of donuts, Nick had taken a big fresh dip of Copenhagen. So, when Nick, saw the free donuts sitting on the counter, he did what every self-respecting snoose-dipper does, he “went conservative” and just opened his can of Copenhagen and spit the fresh chew back into the can and then helped himself to a free donuts.
However, Nick noticed that the snoose-sponger took particular notice of how he’d put some “used” snoose back into his can.
Nick sez the feller never again bummed a free chew from him.
My Missouri buddy, ol’ Canby Handy, is an Air Force veteran and he recently sent me this information about one of the world’s biggest armies – American hunters.
For instance, Wisconsin sent more than 600,000 hunters afield in the recent deer season. Allow me to restate that number, 600,000.
That means, over the last two months, during the prime hunting season in a single American state, the eighth largest army in the world was voluntarily deployed – more men under arms than Iran; more than France and Germany combined – and they went afield, not to protect our nation and our freedoms, but only to help keep the deer menace at bay and put meat in the freezer.
But that pales in comparison to the 750,000 who hunted the woods of Pennsylvania this deer season, or the 700,000 hunters have now returned home from the woods of Michigan.
Toss in 250,000 West Virginia hunters and the hunters of those four states alone would comprise the largest army in the world. Throw in all the other hunters from all the other states and it really is the largest armed force in the world.
Canby pointed out that America will forever be safe from foreign invasion of troops with that kind of home-grown firepower. He concluded that hunting is not just a way to fill the freezer with good organically-grown protein. It’s a matter of national security!
It’s the same kind of homegrown Army that drove the British off our shores in the 1700s. Canby noted, and I agree, we must never lose this internal defense force at any cost.
It is our only defense against any tyrannical government, including our own. Now you know why the anti-gun groups wants to take our guns away. They’re scared of us!
And, from Alliance, Neb., comes this cute story:
A teacher in a rural school goes around her class asking all the kids what they need at home.
The first kid says, “A new computer to do my homework on.”
The teacher replies, “That’s good. A computer would be very useful.”
The second kid answers, “A new pickup truck. Ours is worn out and rusty.”
Again, the teacher praises the student.
Then she turns to little Johnny and he answers, “At my house we don’t need nothin.”
Taken aback, the teacher asks Johnny to think again carefully as everybody needs something.
Johnny replies, “No, ma’am, I’m sure. When my dad came home last week with a trailer load of rescue horses for us to break to ride, I remember my mom told my dad, ‘Well now, that’s just all we need!'”
After these stories, I’m sure you need me to just shut up for this week and let you get back to your evening nap. So, have a good ‘un.