Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 1-9-12 | TheFencePost.com

Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 1-9-12

A good friend of mine necessarily needed to drive to northwest Kansas immediately following the freakish blizzard that rammed its way across the High Plains a couple of weeks ago.

He told me upon his return that a portion of the interstate was terribly dangerous to travel on, but the slick and bumpy road didn’t deter many motorists and truck drivers from passing him going much too fast for road conditions.

Then he told me a related, but funny, story that happened a decade or so ago.

My friend had an elderly fellow salvaging an abandoned house on my friend’s property. He was doing the job at his own pace – mainly as something to do with his time.

Well, one morning following a bad snowstorm, the salvager showed up for work and my friend expressed surprise that he’d ventured out on the bad roads.

The elderly gentlemen said he didn’t worry about his driving on icy roads, but he had concerns for his safety from the reckless drivers who passed him on the road.

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Then, he grinned and told my friend about a road incident that happened to him that very morning. The elderly gentleman said he was steadily and safely driving in the right lane when a young buck in a sports car speedily sailed around him in the left lane. About a mile down the road, sure enuf, he discovered where the sports car had spun around in the road a couple of times and ended up buried in the ditch.

The elderly gentleman said he stopped and inquired if the driver was hurt. The young buck reported he wuz uninjured, but then brightly requested if the elderly gentleman has a chain and if he’d pull the young buck’s car out of the ditch.

The elderly gentleman told my friend that he grinned back at the reckless driver and replied, “Yes, young fellow, I do have a chain in my vehicle. But, no, I won’t pull you out. It’s safer for both of us if you to stay right where you are for a while longer.”

And, with that, he drove off and left the stranded driver to find help elsewhere.

I love that story and wish it would have happened to me.

***

I heard about a rancher who had an urban lady visiting the rancher’s wife for a few days during the holidays. During the course of conversation, the lady asked the rancher if he had a gun in the house. 

He replied that he did, indeed, have a gun in his home.

The lady, looking shocked, said, “Well, I certainly hope it isn’t loaded!” 

To which the rancher casually replied, “Of course it’s loaded. A gun can’t do its job without bullets!”  

The lady then asked, “Are you that afraid of someone evil coming into your house and harming you?”  

The rancher replied, “No, not at all. I am not afraid of the house catching fire either, but I have fire extinguishers around, and they’re all loaded too.”

End of conversation.

***

It’s the new year, 2012, and this following story seems more and more pertinent to me as the years roll by.

A group of senior farmers were sitting around the coffee table in the local co-op talking about all their ailments.

One farmer said, “I’m so old my arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee.”

A second retiree volunteered, “Well, my cataracts are so bad I can hardly even see my coffee cup.”

A third piped up, “I couldn’t even mark an X on the ballot during the last election because my rheumatic hands don’t work right anymore.”

“What? Speak up! What? I can’t hear you!” another said.

Still another coffee drinker said, “I can’t turn my head to follow the conversation because of the arthritis in my neck.”

“My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!” exclaimed another.

“I forget where I am, and where I’m going,” said another.

“I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” winced an old man as he slowly shook his head, “but we can all still count our blessings. Thank goodness we can all still drive to gather here every morning.”

***

Well, if you survived to get into 2012, count your blessings, too, and hope to see 2013 next year. From me to you, “Happy New Year.”

And, for my closing words of wisdom, I turn to none other that the famous American writer Mark Twain. Of the New Year celebration, he said, “New Year’s is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.”

For my one and only New Year’s resolution, I resolve to try and eat three meals a day every day of the year. I should be able to keep it.

Have a good ‘un.