Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 10-14-13
Damphewmore Acres, Kan.
I think I may have figgered out why older folks, like me, have a hard time getting any job in the current job market.
One old gent nearing 70 applied for a job as a greeter at a farm and ranch store. He, of course, had to complete an interview with the company’s human resources manager. The conversation went like this:
Human Resources Manager: “What is your greatest weakness?”
Human Resources Manager: “I don’t think honesty is a weakness.”
Applicant: “I don’t really give a flying horse apple what you think.”
Needless to say, the poor old boy didn’t get the job, but he did leave the place with a satisfied smile on his face.
But, of course, the younger generation also has new job difficulties. Thanks to a Colorado reader for this funny.
A recent graduate from a rural high school finally got a job at the U.S. Post Office. He was full of energy and eager to please — and sure he’d found his place in life. He wanted his job to end up as a rural route mail carrier. But, he knew he’d have to work his way up to that dream job.
The supervisor agreed to work with the new employee, even though he had been warned that the young aggie was still immature and knew nothing of the job. The first job the supervisor gave the young man was in sorting mail. Much to everyone’s surprise, the new employee separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur.
The supervisor was very pleased and asked the young man to come into his office at the end of the day. He said, “I just want you to know that we are all very proud of you. You’re one of the fastest workers we have ever had.”
The humble young aggie said, “Thank you, sir. And tomorrow, I’ll try to do even better.”
“Better?” the supervisor asked with astonishment. “How can you possibly do better?”
The young aggie smiled proudly and said, “Tomorrow, I am going to read the addresses.”
Still one more on rural folks in the non-ag work force. The more you think about this one, the funnier it gets. Short and sweet, a good one.
A very tired nurse — who happened to be a farm wife working a non-farm job at the local hospital — walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 16-hour shift. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller, and without missing a beat, she says: “Well, that’s great … that’s just great … some %^&^ole’s got my pen!
Still more on the same subject: A farm wife wuz an elementary teacher in a rural school and the morning subject wuz first grade arithmetic.
The teacher singled out Little Johnny and asked him: “Johnny, if I gave you two cats and another two cats and another two cats, how many will you have?”
Johnny: “Seven, Mrs. Farmer.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully. If I gave you two cats and another two cats and another two, how many will you have?”
Johnny: “Seven, Ma’am.”
Teacher, in an irritated voice: “Let me put it to you differently, Johnny. If I gave you two apples and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny, politely: “Six, Ma’am.”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two cats how many would you have?
Johnny, in an irritated voice: “Seven!”
A very angry Teacher: “How in the world do you come up with seven cats?”
A very angry Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a pet cat.”
And, one last one. A rural shade-tree mechanic wuz approached by a local lady in distress because she couldn’t sell her car. She explained that she was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250,000 miles on it. She asked the mechanic if he could think of a way to sell her car.
The mechanic told her, “There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal.”
“That doesn’t matter,” replied the lady, “If I only can sell the car.”
“OK,” said the mechanic. “I can turn the odometer in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore.”
The following weekend, the lady met the mechanic at the local cafe and the mechanic covertly asked her if she’d sold her car.
“No,” she replied, “Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it.”
I’ll close this week with a few words of wisdom about the auto industry from computer guru Bill Gates. He said, “If General Motors had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles per gallon.”
Sounds good to me. But the frequent crashes would sure be an inconvenience. Have a good ’un. ❖