Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 2-21-11
I’m on a roll now with my New Millennium Agri-Technomics inventions, so here goes with another one.
Every crop farmer who lives in Tornado Alley has had, at some time or another, a bad experience with hail or high winds on a nearly-ready-to-harvest crop field.
Looking at a completely devastated, mangled field of corn, wheat, soybeans, or other crop leaves a real nasty feeling in the pit of your stomach when you consider all the effort and money that you invested in that crop and how much money you stand to lose.
However, if you have adequate crop insurance, you at least know that you will get a goodly portion of your investment back when you file a claim on your crop insurance policy.
However, it’s when you have just a little hail damage or just a little wind damage to your crop that the trouble arises when you and your crop insurance adjuster have to arrive at an equitable estimation of the amount of partial damage to your crop. That scenario typically goes like this.
You go to your field after the storm and from your experienced eye it looks like the field is 50 percent damaged. You call your crop insurance agent but when the company’s adjuster visits your field with you, he takes the low road for you and the high road for the company and tells you it looks more like 5 percent damage to your field than 50 percent.
The two of you argue – and you get so mad that a heart attack is imminent – but the end result is always a compromised number that favors the company – say in our example 15 percent damage. Regardless, in the end, you feel ripped off and vow to change your insurance company.
Well, I’ve come up with an invention that eliminates all that distasteful interaction with your crop insurance company. I call it the Claim Reaper.
When a hail/wind storm comes through and does a little damage to your crop, you drive your self-propelled Claim Reaper through your field before you call your crop insurance agent. The unique feature of the Claim Reaper is the exclusive Roto Hail Simulator.
One pass through your field, with those five hail simulators spinning at 10,000 to 30,000 RPMs will turn your partially damaged crop field into what looks like a field of silage. It’s only then, after you’ve parked your Claim Reaper in a secluded part of your machine shed or out behind your wind break amidst all the junk equipment you’ve accumulated, that you call your insurance agent and report your damage.
When the adjuster comes to evaluate the field’s damage, one casual look from the road will tell him the crop is a 100 percent loss and you’ll reap the full claim on your policy. Hence, the name of my invention – the Claim Reaper.
Now I don’t advocate this, and I certainly haven’t tried it, but I’ve heard the Claim Reaper works equally well to garner an insurance payment on a battered old pickup truck or a rickety old shed that you need to turn into a quick-paying asset.
A word of warning, like I suggested above, do not park your Claim Reaper anywhere visible from the road.
Next week, I’ll show you an invention that will allow you to essentially double-crop the field you’ve run your Claim Reaper over.
I’ve got an early-teens grandson, Chance Yield, who lives in Tennessee. Only recently did I learn that his school offers, and requires participation, in a hunter education/gun safety training course for every student. His school even includes a supervised trip to a shooting range. What a great idea! If every U.S. school did likewise, we’d all be better off and the chances of school shootings like the ones that have been in the news for more than a decade would probably drop to about zero.
Well, since most of this column is devoted to insurance, I’ll close for this week with a funny quote, from the scene of a vehicle accident, about insurance blame: “I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.”
I take full blame for this column. Have a good ‘un.
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