Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust | TheFencePost.com

Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust

OK, after watching politics and the financial markets for the past week, I’m gonna get a little political.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’ll bet I could go to a local auction barn or a farm sale, take a gate cut of 100 farmers and ranchers in attendance, and end up with folks who could do a better job of representing us in the U.S. Senate than the 100 yahoos we’ve got there.

Then, I could pick 435 folks at random from the stands at a college football game and they could do a better job than the 435 posturing peacocks currently self-serving in the U.S. House of Representatives.

There ain’t no way my randomly-picked Congress could do a worst job that the ones on the job now.

Let me get specific on the recently-agreed-to expansion of the U.S. debt ceiling and the deal to cut federal spending. I got the following information sent to me by a certified public accountant whom I respect for his common sense.

He laid out the new debt/spending cut deal this way:

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Every year the U.S. Congress sets a Federal budget amounting to trillions of dollars. Few of us can comprehend that huge amount of money. Here’s a summary:

U.S. income: $2,170,000,000,000

Federal budget: $3,820,000,000,000

New debt: $1,650,000,000,000

National debt: $14,271,000,000,000

2011 budget cut: $38,500,000,000 (way less than 1 percent of budget)

Then, my friend pointed out that it helps to think about these numbers in terms that we can relate to. So, he removed eight zeros from the federal numbers and pretended the debt/spending deal was the household budget for a fictitious Jones family.

Total annual income for the Jones family:  $21,700

Amount of money the Jones spend: $38,200

Amount of new debt added to the Jones’ credit card: $16,500

Amount cut from the Jones’ current budget: $385

Outstanding Jones’ credit card balance: $142,710

So here you have it in the simplest terms. Congress, or in this example the Jones family, sat down at the kitchen table and agreed to cut $385 from its annual budget.

They cut $385 of spending in order to off-set a new spending deficit of $16,500? 

How does this work? In real life, the Jones family would be bankrupt. In real life, our precious nation is technically bankrupt – and our kids and grandkids are gonna pay it off and pay the consequences.

As I said before, how could anyone do a worse job? Put a bunch of cowboys and farmers in charge and they’d do a better job with both hands tied behind their backs.

I’ve vented now and I feel better.

***

The guy who brings propane to Damphewmore Acres, Phil Tanks, told me he attended an energy outlook convention recently and the first speaker wuz an oil men from Texas.

Phil said the oil man rambled on for a good half hour and then introduced the next gent, who happened to be a pipeline operator from Oklahoma.

The Texan said, “Now, here’s Mr. Smith from Oklahoma, an outlying province of Texas.” 

The Oklahoman said, “Thank you, Tex, but, just to set the record straight, there ain’t any state that can out-lie Texas.”

***

A feed and mineral salesman drove into the driveway of a ranch house. He noticed an Australian Shepherd laying in the yard and an old rancher in a sweaty Stetson and run-over boots sitting in a rocking chair on the porch.

So, the salesman rolled down his pickup window and said to the rancher, “Excuse me, sir. I’d like to show you my fine line of livestock feed and minerals, but does your dog bite?”

“Nope,” the old gent replied, “My dog don’t bite.”

So the salesman confidently stepped out of his truck, grabbed his sales literature and turned for the house. That wuz about when the Aussie ran over snarling and growling and bit him on his leg. 

As the dog was gnawing away on his leg and the salesman wuz flailing around in the dust, he yelled, “I thought you said your dog didn’t bite!”

The old cowboy held up a toothless old dachshund that had been snoozing in his lap, and repeated: “My dog don’t bite. You got bit by the neighbor’s dog.” 

***

Well, I’ve bitten off a fair share of your time and patience, so guess I’d better quit for the week with these few words of wisdom about dogs: “To err is human – to forgive, canine.” I have no idea who said them originally.

Please forgive me and go pet your dog.

Have a good ‘un.