Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 4-2-12 | TheFencePost.com

Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 4-2-12

Spring has sprung here in the Flint Hills of east central Kansas, albeit three weeks earlier than usual, and now all I can do is hope that is doesn’t spring back to winter.

It’s as green as the Emerald Isle here. All the spring birds are already here and the robins and bluebirds are building nests. Even the buzzards have arrived. The purple martins haven’t returned yet, but I expect them any day now.

It’s rained about 4-inches here in the last four days and the ground is soaked, although there are some ponds and watersheds in Chase County that aren’t full yet because the rains were so slow there’s been scant runoff.

My chickens have come out of their molt and are laying eggs like crazy. Two of the hens have gone broody and I have them setting on clutches of eggs to provide chicks for one of my neighbors.

Heck, I’ve even got the henhouse cleaned out and the manure composted.

The daffodils are blooming and so are my peach trees and the redbuds. The apple trees are just days from blooming.

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Even the winter wheat has broken dormancy and is growing about an inch a day, it seems. The alfalfa is about 6-inches high. The henbit in my yard looks like a purple sea (and also proves I ain’t got a good stand of grass).

About the only thing that’s gone wrong so far in this fine stretch of weather is my utility vehicle shot craps on me and I’m having to walk everywhere and carry everything instead of hauling it around. But, it’s in the shop and I’ll have it back in a few days.

My lawn will need mowing for the first time in a few days. So, I’m getting the mower tuned up, putting on new rear tires to have it ready for the lawn mowing season.

Of course, the spring fishing season has already started and these nice rains should have woken up the catfish and the crappies. The nightcrawlers are out and I’m laying in a good supply of fish bait for the spring. Already looking forward to fresh fish fillets this spring.

All in all, I’m enjoying this early spring. Just hope it all isn’t a false spring.

***

From Colorado comes this story from an avid reader: 

A farmer had a German Shepherd he just loved. However, the dog was so possessive of the farmer and everything around the farmstead that he attacked anything that moved around the place, including the farmer’s neighbors.

Finally, one of the farmer’s good friends told him that, if he had the dog neutered, he would lose his aggressiveness. 

So, reluctantly, the farmer had his dog fixed and a few days later was in his front room when the UPS delivery man came up the steps. The dog jumped up and went right through the screen door and attacked the UPS guy. 

The old farmer ran out and pulled his dog off and began apologizing to the delivery man. He said, “I am so sorry, I don’t know what to do or say. My friends told me he would quit attacking people if I had him neutered. I just don’t know what to do.” 

The UPS man picked himself up, dabbed his handkerchief on the bleeding bites and said with a grim smile, “You should have had his teeth pulled, I knew when he came out the door, he didn’t think I was a female dog.”

***

While I’m on the subject of farm dog stories, here’s another one. An elderly farmer phoned his veterinarian’s office and asked, “Is it true that the medication you prescribed for ol’ Reb, my Border Collie, has to be taken for the rest of his life?”

“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the vet told him.

There was a moment of silence before the farmer replied, “I’m wondering just how serious is ol’ Reb’s condition is because this prescription bottle is marked ‘no refills?'” 

***

A young aggie graduated from high school and decided he wanted a career in the military. So, he went to the recruitment office and the officer in charge said he’d give him a short quiz to determine which branch of the military he was best prepared to serve. Here are the questions and the aggie’s answers:

• In which battle did George Armstrong Custer die?

His last battle.

• Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

At the bottom of the page. 

• The Missouri Rivers ends in which state?

It’s always in liquid state. 

• What is the main reason for divorces in the military?

Marriage. 

• What can you never eat for breakfast?

Dinner and supper.

• How can a man go eight days without sleeping? 

Sleep at night.

• If it took eight men 10 hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?

No time at all, the wall is already built. 

• How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? 

Any way you want. Concrete floors are very hard to crack.

At that point the recruiter stopped the exam and said, “Son, stick to farming. Stay out of the military. Please!”

***

A friend e-mailed that he’d said the following prayer for me. They’re wise words, so, they are the words of wisdom for this week’s column: He said, “Lord, keep your arm around his shoulder, clamp one hand over his mouth and use the other hand to guide his fingers on the keyboard!”

Thanks, I needed that. Have a good ‘un.