Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 4-25-11
April 25, 2011
We’ve all heard the old saying that necessity is the mother of invention. Well, in some cases an Andre the Giant necessity requires a Mama Cass-sized mother of invention to handle a minor-league emergency situation. That’s what happened at a recent farm auction I heard about.
An eager buyer at the auction let his head nodding get the better of his capacity to haul his new “stuff” home. No worry. There wuz a skid steer loader available to load the “new stuff” onto the buyer’s farm truck which wuz equipped with a manual dump mechanism.
The buyer had bought a bunch of used electric light or telephone poles, plus a lot of heavy steel stuff. So, he directed the skid steer operator to load the poles on the truck floor. That wuz fine except for the fact that the length of the poles far exceeded the length of the truck bed. So, once the poles were loaded they were so heavy the buyer couldn’t get the truck bed back down and latched.
Not to worry! Using a winch, he chained the truck bed down tight to the frame. Then he instructed the skid steer operator to start loading the rest of his heavy “new stuff” into the truck bed on top of the poles to hold them in place.
The load kept getting higher and higher and heavier and heavier until the load was immensely heavy when all the newly-acquired “stuff” wuz loaded. When the buyer got in to drive the load home, he discovered he now had “air-drive.” The heavy load had lifted the front tires of the truck off the ground and he couldn’t steer the truck and drive it home.
That’s when Mother of Invention came running in to solve the problem. The buyer had some kinfolk at the sale and they were driving a smaller truck. So, the kinfolk backed up to the loaded truck’s bumper. Using a couple of used tires as a safety guard between the two trucks, the buyer tightly chained the front bumper of the loaded truck to the rear bumper of the smaller truck.
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They were safe and secure and ready to roll. And they did – with the tips of the poles dragging lightly down the middle of the road all the way. I understand they made the 10-mile trip without incident. All’s well that ends well. But, I sure wish I’d seen it for myself.
Well, while I’m on the subject of invention, innovation and trucks, it would be a good time to show you a new kind of truck attachment I invented to solve a problem I – and I’m sure you – have with back-breaking work. I always figger, why lift something heavy and repetitive with my back when I can invent something that does the same work faster and easier with me sitting on my butt and moving a couple of fingers. In short, I’m lazy.
This is one of my New Millennium AgriTechnomics inventions. I call it the B.S. Auto-Scoop, pictured with this column.
Here’s why I invented it. After years and years of back-breaking use of a pitchfork and a scoop shovel to load manure out of cow barns, horse stalls, hog and sheep sheds, and chicken houses, I finally put my head to work in place of my aging back.
You can see from the picture that the B.S. Auto-Scoop attaches to either side-board of the truck. When attached, the comfortable, ergonomically-perfect seat is high up in the air so you can sit up in the cool breeze, away from all the choking dust and foul manure odors, with a perfect view of the work area, while you move a few muscles in your fingers to move the hydraulic scoop shovel or pitchfork into and out of the work area.
In a matter of minutes you can have a truck-full of manure out of the stall, barn or shed, and you won’t have worked up a sweat.
You probably think you’ve figgered out what the B.S. in the name stands for. And, you’re wrong and should have your mouth washed out with soap for even thinking what you’re thinking.
What the B.S. really stands for is “Back-Saver.” Shame on you! But, I hope you’ll go ahead and order the inexpensive B.S. Auto-Scoop before your back gives out on you and you end up making expensive payments to your chiropractor.
Now that you’re thoroughly inspired and innovated about trucks, I’ll close this column for this week with these words of wisdom about trucks. Some wise gal named Barbara Hutton said, “I’ve never seen a Brink’s truck follow a hearse to the cemetery.”
Neither have I. Have a good ‘un.