Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 5-2-11 | TheFencePost.com
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Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 5-2-11

My Platte City, Mo., friends, ol’ Canby Handy and his wife Mae Bea, recently celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary by taking an overnight trip through northeastern Kansas.

They went across highway 36 and their far-western town of travel ended up to be Linn, Kan. T’was there they uncovered a funny little bit of local history. Now, Linn ain’t very big and the main source of local downtown commerce they discovered is Jack’s Grocery Store.

But not far away is the local watering hole. It’s located in a building that formerly housed a pool and domino hall. But, now it’s been converted into a bar and grill with a historic name.

Canby found out the former pool hall wuz run by a guy named Wilbur. And during his time as proprietor, Wilbur got countless phone calls from angry wives and girl friends asking if their beloveds were playing pool or dominos. Every time, Wilbur gave them the same answer – “Just Left.”

So, you guessed it, the current bar and grill owner took that time-honored phrase and used it to name his new business. So, Canby and Mae Bea enjoyed some liquid refreshment at the Just Left Bar and Grill.

***

My friend, Rev. Saul M. Reeder, is a lay minister in the Lutheran Church. He likes to liven up his services on occasion with an unorthodox subject.

So, recently, after his congregation had settled in comfortably, Rev. Saul announced that the topic of his sermon for the day was “liars.” He noted that telling untruths wuz a sin in the eyes of the church and the Lord.

Then, he said, “My sermon about liars will center around Matthew, chapter 30, verse five in the New Testament. Now, how many of you are already familiar with with that passage in the Bible?”

As Rev. Saul looked out over his congregation, he saw about half the parishioners raise their hands.

Then he said, “You folks who raised your hands are who I’m gonna direct my service to, because there is no Matthew, Chapter 30, verse five in the Bible.”

I’ll bet the next time he asks for a showing of hands in church a lot more folks will sit on them than raise them.

***

Since I’m already started, I might as well continue the stories about rural churches. This one comes compliments of an e-mail from a Catholic farmer.

Here’s the story:

A man sobering up from the night before is sitting through the Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung over and tired, he finally nods off.

The priest has been watching him all along, notices his apparent hangover and is disgusted. At the end of the sermon, the priest decides to make an example of him.

In almost a whisper he says to his congregation, “All those wishing to have a place in heaven, please stand.”

Of course, everyone in church stands up except, of course, the sleeping man.

Then the priest yells loudly: “And he who will find a place in hell please STAND UP!”

The weary man catching only the last part, groggily stands up, only to find that he’s the only one standing.

Confused and embarrassed, he says, “Father, I don’t know what we’re voting on here, but it sure seems like you and me are the only ones standing for it!”

***

Some folks by their very natures aren’t very talkative. Such was the case with an elderly farm woman named Mrs. DeWerd, affectionately known in her community as “Mums.”

Mums wuz the quiet sort. She seldom spoke and when she did, she wuz brief and very much to the point.

One day, a feed salesman walked into Mums yard and asked to see her husband. Mums told him, “Not home.”

“Well,” the salesman said, “could I please wait for him?”

Mums responded, “Guess so,” and waved the salesman to a bench on the front porch. While he sat, Mums continued with some work in her flower garden.

After three hours, the irritated salesman called out to Mums, “Just where is your husband?”

“At the cemetery,” Mums replied.

“And when is he coming?” he salesman persisted.

“Don’t rightly know,” Mums replied again.

Then the salesman asked “When did he go there?”

“About 11 years ago,” Mums replied with finality.

***

Guess I’ll close this week with a good quote about salesman from some feller named Carey Williams. He said, “Times change. The farmer’s daughter now tells jokes about the traveling salesman.”

Have a good ‘un.


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