Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 5-20-13
Following the weird-weather spring we’ve experienced, I’m suggesting that the old saying “April showers bring May flowers” be changed to “May snows and ice bring rains — that’s nice!” That’s what happened here in the Flint Hills. A week after snow and freezing temps, we’ve gotten some nice rains, a little runoff, and some superb spring sunshine and temperatures.
Everything is greening up so fast that I had to mow my lawn twice in 10 days and hoe my potatoes, radishes, lettuce and onions for the first time. I got the first planting of sweetcorn planted and transplanted some broccoli sets. I even had a window of opportunity to sow some alfalfa and wildlife plots for my chickens and the wild critters who eats greens.
I had to get some work done becuz my old New Mexico buddy, Albie Kirky, and his sons will be here next week for four days of hard fishin’ — and I sure can’t let work interfere with that fun time.
A bunch of “stuff” has accumulated on my desk and in my computer, so now’s a good time to share some of it with you.
A farmer, a couple of decades retired, went to his doctor and said, ‘Doc, I think I’m getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up after I’ve gone to the bathroom.”
“Relax,” his doc smiled, “That’s not senility. Senility is when you forget to zip down before you go to the bathroom.”
A rural husband/wife team had spent an exhausting 14-hour day getting caught up on corn planting.
When they finally arrived at home after dark, the missus said, “Do you want supper?”
Hubby replied, “Sure. What are my choices?”
Missus: “Yes or No!”
A young rancher headed home to the Nebraska Panhandle from a trip to Las Vegas with a money-grubbing new bride in tow.
On the plane trip, he leaned over to her and whispered in her ear over the plane’s growl and said, “Would you have married me if I hadn’t told you my father had left me a fortune?”
“Honey,” the new bride replied sweetly, “I’d have married you, no matter who left you a fortune!”
A middle-aged farm couple headed to a purebred bull sale in California to celebrate their 20th anniversary.
After they’d checked into their accommodations, the wife asked her husband, “After 20 years of marriage, what do you like most about me — my pretty face or my sexy body?”
Her hubby looked up from his sale catalog, gave her a casual head-to-toe glance, and replied, “Neither. I like your sense of humor!”
A ranching couple who raised registered Quarterhorses along with a cattle herd, were attending the horse races at Will Rogers Downs near Claremore, Okla. The husband was sitting in their motel room perusing the Daily Racing Form before heading to the track to watch the live races when his wife suddenly slapped him on the back of his head.
“What was that for?” he asked.
His wife replied, “That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your shirt pocket.”
Her husband hastily explained, “But, dear, when I was at the races here last week, Jenny was the name of a horse I bet on after getting a good tip from a trainer.”
His wife apologized and the pair went to the race track. Three days later at home, the hubby was watching T.V. when his wife bashes him on the head with a frying pan, knocking him unconscious.”
Upon re-gaining consciousness, the hubby rubbed the knot of his head and demanded to know why she had hit him so hard.
His wife replied cooly and curtly, “Your horse, Jenny, phoned.”
This column has several stories about married life, so to stay with the theme, I’ll close with several words of wisdom about marriage. Frenchman Michel de Montaigne said, “A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.”
Comedienne Rita Rudner said, “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
James C. Dobson said, “Don’t marry the person you think you can live with, marry only the individual you think you can’t live without.”
I like the last one best.
Have a good ’un. ❖