Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 5-30-11 | TheFencePost.com
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Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 5-30-11

A wealthy rancher near Saratoga, Wyo., married a big-city high-roller gal for his second time on the marriage-go-round. The woman was quite the gabber. 

A few years after the marriage, the wife went to visit a gal friend she hadn’t seen in quite a time who lived in Cheyenne, Wyo. 

Over their evening meal and wine, the friend asked the rancher’s wife to tell about her new husband. 

The rancher’s wife willingly jumped at the chance and said simply, “Why, honey, he’s a millionaire – and I’m the one who made him one.” 

Her friend responded, “What was you husband doing before you married him?” 

The rancher’s wife replied, “He owned a multi-million dollar cattle ranch.” 

***

Thanks to the kindly reader from Oklahoma who contributed this story:

A farm couple’s teenage daughters told their parents that they would fix a romantic dinner for their parent’s 20th wedding anniversary. They told their parents to go out to a movie first, and then come home to enjoy their romantic dinner. 

When the couple got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read:

“Your meal is in the oven. Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn’t do!” 

The husband winked at his wife and said dryly, “I suppose we could clean the house and do the laundry.” 

***

A farm wife had an overseas friend visiting for the weekend. The farm wife kept apologizing for their well’s hard water and told her friend “We’ve tried everything and just can’t seem to solve our hard water problem.” 

Her foreign friend looked puzzled and replied, “In our country, we just let the hard water melt.” 

***

Overheard over the coffee table at a rural senior center: One retired gentleman to another, “I’ve worked so many crossword puzzles in my retirement that I put in my will that I want to be buried six down and three across.” 

***

 Well, hot weather is just around the corner and all us country folks know what warm weather brings – summer holidays and visits from long-lost family and friends and the occasional family reunion. 

Plus, we menfolks know that summer visitors to our farms and ranchers bring an inevitable request/demand from our spouses, “Would it hurt you to clean up the place a bit before they get here – at least get the weeds mowed down in the yard and around the buildings?” 

Now, we men also know that it WILL hurt us to tidy up the farmstead because it means getting out the balky weedeater and running it for a few painful hours when the temperature is near 100 degrees and the humidity is over 90 percent and the chiggers, ticks and mosquitoes never miss the chance to take a bloody bite from our sweaty hides while we’ve got both hands occupied with the weedeater. 

If the above describes your situation, well, happy days are here for you this coming summer. No longer will you dread the “weedeater call” from your beloved. In fact, you may well enjoy polishing off the weeds in the yard and around your buildings. 

Know why? Because one of my New Millennium AgriTechnomic Inventions is the Air Conditioned Weed Wacker. 

It wuz quite simple really. I adapted space-suit technology for the average man. The A.C. Weed Wacker will keep you cool as a cucumber while you run it regardless of the heat and humidity outside. Plus, no biting critter can faze it’s bullet-proof outer shell. A big added benefit is a happy wife. 

Be sure to get an A. C. Weed Wacker before the hot weather and the nagging start. It will be an equipment investment you’ll never regret. 

***

I’ll quit this column now before you start nagging at me. I’ll close with these words of wisdom about weeds from some feller named Doug Larson: “A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.” 

Have a good ‘un.


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