Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 8-8-11 | TheFencePost.com

Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 8-8-11

Here at Damphewmore Acres, I’ve got a minor aggie mystery that I haven’t solved yet. I came home from town a few weeks ago and found a “gift” for my chickens tied to the door of my chicken house.

An anonymous note attached to the gift wuz addressed to “The Milo Yield Flock” and said it wuz “compliments of the SPBCA – Society for the Prevention of Boredom in the Chickens of America.”

The “gift” wuz a little plastic ball about the size of an orange with holes in opposite ends of the ball. Also, the ball consisted of two separating halves hooked together with a piece of elastic string – so the “ball” can be pulled apart and filled with feed, then snap back together.

The chickens are supposed to learn how to peck grain or crumbles from the holes, which rolls the “ball” around on the ground and prevents boredom. The advertising tag on the “ball” calls it “A Chicken Toy” and explains that “feed releases as chickens peck at ball.”

Of course, the ball wuz made in China and the reverse side of the tag explains, “Hand wash only, not dishwasher safe. This product is a chicken toy, not intended to replace feeder. See it in action on our website.”

I don’t have a clue as to who the “gift” is from, although I do have a few suspects, but they all deny their involvement.

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To my benefactor, “thanks,” I think. One of these days when it cools off, I’ll let my bored chickens have a peck at their feed-filled “chicken toy.”

I also wonder what the Chinese folks who work in the “chicken toy” factory think about American poultry farmers.

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It’s so hot and dry here in the Flint Hills that my brother-in-law sent me a new Kansas rain gauge. It’s simply the cap off of a beer bottle. It’s designed to sit on top of a flat post to catch rain drops.

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I’m writing this column a few days before America is scheduled to go into debt default. I doubt it will happen, but what I don’t doubt is that rural folks across the nation are fed up with politicians.

To prove the point, Colorado farm friends sent me this e-mail:

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. 

Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu. The entrees were: Common Tourist, $5; Broiled Missionary, $10; Fried Explorer, $15; Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican, $100.

The hungry cannibal called the owner over and asked, “Why such a high price for the Politicians?”

The owner replied, “Have you ever tried to clean one? They’ve all got tough hides and hard heads. Plus, they’re so full of hot air you have to be extremely careful when you’re cleaning one not to puncture its guts and get covered with the stinky contents. It takes all morning to clean one.”

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And, a Kansas friend e-mailed the following. It’s how she responded to a government request to re-file her census form. 

In response to the question: “Do you have any dependents?” she replied, “12 million illegal immigrants, 3 million crack heads, 2 million people in over 243 prisons, and 535 ignoramuses in the U.S. House and Senate.”

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And, an Oklahoma friend sent me this. He said this is all anyone needs to know about Government Bureaucracy:

• Pythagorean theory – 24 words

• The Lord’s Prayer – 66 words

• Archimedes Principle – 67 words

• The 10 Commandments – 167 words

• The Gettysburg Address – 286 words

• The Declaration of Independence –

1,300 words

• The U.S. Constitution with all 27

Amendments – 7,818 words

• U.S. Government Regulations on sale

of cabbage – 26,911 words.

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Writing about politics and government makes my red neck get hotter than a pistol. So, I’m gonna quit with a few words of wisdom about government regulation from Jon Huntsman, Jr. “We have lost that which has made us great over the generations, and that is the sense of individual and personal responsibility that we can come up, we can pursue our dreams and our aspirations and we won’t be blocked by government regulation … to make our dreams come true.”

I’ll get off my soapbox for now. Stay cool and have a good ‘un.