Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 9-12-11
I used to do a feature in my columns that I called “Mental Home Videos.” I asked readers to picture in their minds what wuz happening in my stories. I enjoyed doing my MHV’s (as I called them) but home videos are so outdated that I figger the following story is a MFV – “Mental Facebook Video.”
Here’s the story. A county official wuz attending to bizness at his local county fairgrounds when he saw a miniature donkey placidly grazing near the city’s Veterans’ Memorial.
He drove down to get a better handle on the situation and found the tiny donkey to be gentle as could be. In fact, it wanted to get into the cab of his pickup.
Well, the official knew a nearby rancher had recently come into ownership of some miniature donkeys, so the official gave him a phone call and reported the wayward donkey.
But, when the rancher called his wife at home, she looked out the window and found all four of their little donkeys were safely in their pasture. So, now the rancher and the official did some inquiring and discovered the donkey owner wuz a lady who rented the pasture south of the fairgrounds and she worked at the Casey’s store in town. So, they gave her a call.
The lady said it must indeed be her miniature donkey and she left work to come have a look-see. Well, it wuz her donkey and she asked the rancher if he could transport the donkey to her parents farm about 10 miles away. The rancher had to decline because he had another obligation to take care of, but volunteered to help the lady load the donkey if she could find a way to haul him.
A few phone calls later, a pickup wuz located, but it had no sideboards, but she decided that the gentle little donkey would probably ride okay in the bed of the pickup.
About that time, a sheriff’s deputy arrived on the scene to offer assistance. So, he and the rancher easily lifted the donkey into the pickup bed, but the bed wuz metal and the donkey wuz having a hard time standing up.
That’s when the light bulb came on for the donkey owner. She rushed back to the Casey’s store and fetched a big cardboard box. When she got back, the rancher and the deputy carefully loaded the little donkey into the cardboard box. In the meantime, several other folks had arrived to take in the scene.
The owner of the pickup volunteered to drive the donkey to the owner’s parent’s farm – and the owner could ride in the bed of the pickup to keep the little donkey calm on the trip.
The deputy saw a transportation situation fraught with all kinds of negative possibilities, so he volunteered to give a police escort to the donkey caravan. And that’s what happened.
Only in small town rural America could a miniature donkey be given a free ride to a new home with a police escort.
The addendum to this story is that within a few hours a video of the whole adventure appeared in the internet in a Facebook video. Hope you enjoyed this little MFV.
I’m writing this column on September 1, which is the opening day of the dove hunting season. My friend Rollin Birdz and I got to a dove hot spot and started hunting around 7 o’clock this morning.
We had a good hunt and I shot my normal 20 percent success rate. But what I’m now gonna tell you is how I almost suffered an innocent catastrophe during the hunt.
First off, whenever I’m outside, I carry three items in my pocket – a pocketknife, a set of fingernail clippers, and a stick of lip balm.
Now for the “almost accident.” I shot a dove with two shots from my double barrel 20 gauge. I unleashed my birddog Annie – a Brittany – and she ran to fetch the bird. As I followed her, I unloaded the two empties, reached into my pocket and grabbed two fresh shells and chambered them. But, I noticed one shell loaded right, but the second didn’t. I thought I dropped the second shell on the ground. I looked for it, but couldn’t find the shell.
Annie fetched the dove and I went back to my stand and went to load a second shell into the one I thought wuz empty. But, very luckily, the shell only went about an inch into the chamber and stopped. Puzzled, I withdrew the shell and looked into the chamber.
I about fainted. I saw something plastic and white wuz plugging the barrel. You’ve figgered it out by now. Yep, in my haste, I’d grabbed a shell and my stick of lip balm from my pocket and tried to load both.
I cut a weed stem and used it to dislodge the lip balm from the barrel. I realize how lucky I am that the lip balm didn’t slide deeper into the chamber. I would have loaded a live shell behind it and no telling the damage I’d have done to both my face and my gun.
So, let that be a little lesson to everyone. Leave the lip balm at home when you go hunting.
This is getting lengthy. So, I’ll close with a couple of appropriate little slogans about gun safety. The first: “Gun accidents hurt – gun safety doesn’t.” The second: “Being safe with your gun is like breathing. You never want to stop.”
Take a deep breath, relax and have a safe ‘un.