Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 9-26-11 | TheFencePost.com

Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 9-26-11

Folks have found out that the estate or dispersal auctions of elderly farm and ranch folks are great for purchasing various kinds of antiques and unique items that the buyer can resell on e-bay or Craigslist and other places on the internet.

In the early goings of the internet those kinds of items could be bought for a little of nothing in rural America and sold dearly in urban America. But over the years, so many folks are trying to turn a buck this way that the prices of antiques and other collectibles have risen substantially.

In fact, my old auctioneer buddy, Col. Hayes T. Speaker, sez he overheard one high-fashion city gal at his last estate auction say, “All the antique prices here today were too modern for me.”

***

A friend who runs a dude ranch in Colorado tells me that he had a lady dude come to his facility this summer who wuz mentally dense.

When she arrived the first day the guests were going on a lengthy trail ride. My friend, trying to be accommodating, asked the lady, “Which would you be more comfortable riding, a saddle with a horn or without a horn?”

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The lady happily replied, “Without a horn. I came to Colorado for the peace and quiet.”

Later that evening as the guests sat around the blazing campfire, my friend said the conversation turned to protection of endangered animals. The “saddle horn” lady was adamant that all endangered animals and plants should be protected to the fullest extent of the law.

My friend saw a real opportunity and he took advantage of it. “Well, ma’am,” he innocently asked, “What should we all do if there is an endangered animal that only eats endangered plants?”

He sez the conversation around the campfire got decidedly cooler after he asked that question.

***

A farm wife, Mrs. Penny Pincher, told her long-suffering hubby that he needed to see a doctor for medication that would stop his insomnia. “Every night you never sleep a wink,” she chided him.

“Now, dear,” he replied. “I have a very good reason for not sleeping a wink at night.”

“What’s that?” she countered.

“Because,” he explained. “It’s the only way I can keep you from going through my overall pockets and getting money out of my billfold.”

***

A cowboy fell head over heels in love with a beautiful cowgirl who won the barrel racing at his local rodeo. It was love at first sight for him.

But, he confided to his best cowboy friend that he could never ask the girl of his dreams out on a date until he got something off his chest.

“What do you need to confess?” his friend asked him.

“Oh, I don’t need to confess anything,” the cowboy replied. “I just need to get a tattoo off my chest that reads, “Mary. My one and only.”

Probably a good idea.

***

A talkative, gossipy farm wife wuz helping her hubby sort a pot load of cattle when an unruly steer banged into the sorting gate and broke her jaw. Of course, the husband immediately took his wife to the doctor.

The next morning at the local coffee shop he described what happened to his tableful of buddies.

One of his friends asked, “Did the doctors take X-rays of your wife’s jaw when she got to the emergency room.

The farmer sighed and grinned, “Well, they tried to, but the only pictures they could get of my wife’s jaw were motion pictures.”

***

If I don’t quit this column right now, you’ll probably want to wire my mental jaw shut. So, I’ll close for this week with a wise quote about gossip from the famous Will Rogers. He said, “It’s best to live so you wouldn’t be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.”

Good advice. Have a good ‘un, but don’t tell anybody it wuz better than it wuz!