EssentialCowboy Oils | TheFencePost.com

EssentialCowboy Oils

A few years back Clyde and Shorty (a couple of retired but still active old cowboys) investigated the powers of the then popular fad about the miracle benefits of Blue-Green algae (read that pond scum). Blue-Green algae supposedly cured headaches, increased intelligence, enhanced prowess in any area of endeavor, put physical well-being on hold at approximately age 25 and, of course, made childbirth a pleasure. Clyde and Shorty went into business harvesting algae that formed on the surface of the horse tank and the ponds created by back-up puddles from the creek bed. That enterprise, sadly, failed.

Today’s current woo-woo fad is something called “Essential Oils.” Which, as with algae, translates into magic (and expensive) itty-bitty vials of “oils” that profess to make one feel marvelous, smell grand, fix ills and make childbirth a pleasure. And of late, the promotional blurb claims one can even use oils on one’s pet dog, cat, horse, gerbil, goldfish or aardvark.

Recently, Shorty, ever the entrepreneur, learned about Essential Oils. Shorty got excited. “Hey,” he said to Clyde, “We’ll make our own! We’ll call it “Essential Cowboy Oils, do some promotion and rake in big bucks!”

Clyde and Shorty and Essential Oils

When Shorty discovered essential oils,

His besotted brain heated up to a boil!

“By heck,” he said, “We got oil a plenty!

We’ll bottle it up and make lots o’ money!”

“Yer off yer rocker” said Clyde, the doubter

But Shorty reared back and hollered louder

“We got lots o’ oil around this place!

No reason to let it go to waste!”

“We got bacon grease! There’s oil in that!

And bear grease and oil from chicken fat!

And pints of oil where your pickup leaks

And we butchered a hog just last week!”

For several moons, these cowpokes toiled

To make big batches of Cowboy Oils

Essential for health and peace of mind

Or anything else that comes to mind.

They bottled the goo in used bean cans

Sealed ‘em tight with duct-tape bands

Lined ‘em up on a shelf in a Store

Sure, they’d sell out! So, they made even more!

Sad to say Shorty’s project died

The Store threw ‘em out, they couldn’t abide

The odor! The stink! From the cans that arose!

Each customer, too, just held his nose!

Shorty felt blue, he even cussed

As his latest project bit the dust

Clyde gave it a think as he eyed his friend

All sunk in gloom without no end

How could he help him, what could he say

To cheer up his pal? There must be a way!

Maybe buy him a can of that mint-flavored snoose?

Or perhaps a bottle of his favorite hooch?

“Shorty,” said Clyde, “I gotta mention

You ain’t devised a new invention!

All you done was look like a fool!

Shorty! What is WRONG with you??” ❖