Gwen Petersen: In a Sow’s Ear 3-11-13 | TheFencePost.com

Gwen Petersen: In a Sow’s Ear 3-11-13

I recently had occasion to spend the night in a motel which was furnished with the standard bed, chair, desk, telephone, TV, plus the usual lotions and soaps. One fixture — a floor-length mirror mounted on the back of the bathroom door — gave me an awful fright. Emerging from the shower brought me facing my reflection. My birthday suit needed ironing, steam-pressed, and definitely re-shaped.

Give Me A Shape

(To the tune of "Home on the Range")

Oh give me a shape while I contemplate fate

Where my waistline it once used to be.

When belly was flat as the brim on a hat

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And my boobs hadn't sagged to my knee.

Chorus …

Groan, groan all the time

My complexion is rotting away.

I'm losing my hair; my head soon will be bare

And my body's commenced to decay.

Often at night when the heavens are bright

I must rise to pay Nature a call.

I've stood there amazed and asked in a daze

Why I'm standing out here in the hall.

Chorus …

Groan, groan all the time

My complexion is rotting away.

I'm losing my hair; my head soon will be bare

And my body's commenced to decay.

Oh, give me a shape where the boys will gape

And thoroughly give me the eye.

Where my graceful slim form turns gents on

And makes cowboys all heave a big sigh.

Chorus…

Groan, groan all the time

My complexion is rotting away.

I'm losing my hair; my head soon will be bare

And my body's commenced to decay.

Oh I'd like to upgrade my elderly shape

For a form that can boogie and play.

Where I don't lose my hair & I haven't a care

And my body will never decay.

And my — body — will —

never — decayyyyyy. ❖