Ha-ha-ga-rass-ment-ay | TheFencePost.com

Ha-ha-ga-rass-ment-ay

Those two intrepid golden-years cowgirls, Myrtle and Mavis, were discussing one of the current scandals spewing across newspaper headlines, bouncing around in social media and providing juicy grist for gossip mongers all over the planet.

Mavis: "What's this harassment stuff everybody's talking about?"

Myrtle: "Well, that's when males hit on females."

Mavis: "So, what's new about that?"

Myrtle: "Not much. Been goin' on since Adam was a dude."

Mavis: "So, what's the problem?"

Recommended Stories For You

Myrtle: "Some fellers get real obnoxious."

Mavis: "So, what's new about that?"

Myrtle: "Nothin'."

Mavis: "So, what's the problem?"

Myrtle: "What I said. Gals don't like obnoxious fellers."

Mavis: "Hmmmn. I kinda remember those days."

Myrtle: "Yeah?"

Mavis: "Uh-huh. I wrote a song about it. You can help me sing it at the Codger Follies Vaudeville Show at the Senior Center next Tuesday."

Myrtle: "Yeah?"

Mavis: "Uh-huh. It's to the tune of Ta-Ra-Ra-Boom-De-Ay. I call it Ha-Ha Ha-Rass-Ment-Ay. Every time we do the rass-ment-ay part, we have to high-kick a leg."

HA-HA-HA-RASS-MENT-AY

If a guy should look at she

Thinking thoughts quite lewdedly

Puts a hand upon her knee

And other places one can't see

If he's a man who says she must

Give in to his wanton lust

Why, that's the thing she's always cussed

Oh, he's the one she cannot trust

CHORUS

Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay

Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay

Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay

Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay

Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay

Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay

Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay

A smart and stylish gal was she

Courteous propriety

But he patted her unduly

Got obnoxious and unruly

And took her out to dine

And plied her with the finest wine

She took it as a warning sign

He's feeding her a cunning line

CHORUS

Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay

Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay

Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay

Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay

Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay

Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay

Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay

Now in her Golden Years, 'tis true

Fellers now are seldom rude

Now she's sad and kinda blue

Missing days she used to rue

No one attempts molesting she

Or puts a hand upon her knee

Now EVERYBODY lets her be

From harassment now — she's free!

CHORUS

Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay

Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay

Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay

Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay

Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay

Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay

Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay

On Tuesday, at the Senior Center Codger Follies, Mavis and Myrtle were enormously appreciated. In fact, they're talking about taking the act "on the road" to other Senior Centers.

But first they plan to master the high kick. Even using walkers for bracing, 3 or 4 inches up from the floor was about as high as they could elevate their legs.

Myrtle: "We should get in shape."

Mavis: "I'm in no shape to get in shape. What could we possibly do?"

Myrtle: "We could try acupuncture."

Mavis: "Naaa. Can't stand needles."

Myrtle: "What about jogging?"

Mavis: "Naaa. Too much heavy breathing. People would think we're having a asthma attacks."

Myrtle: "Maybe bicycling?"

Mavis: "Naaa. Too dangerous. I tried an exercise bike. I fell off the blamed thing and bruised my hip."

Myrtle and Mavis gave up the high-kick part of Ha-Ha-Ha-Rass-Ment-Ay. They've settled for three shuffles forward on Ha, Ha, Ha and three shuffles back on Rass-ment-ay! Followed by smartly smacking the floor with their canes.❖