Milo Yield: Laugh Tracks in the Dust 11-19-12
The archery deer season and the firearms duck season are open in Kansas now and I’ve got a friend, ol’ C. Faren Wyde, Jr., who has a couple of buddies from Texas visiting him for most of a week trying to harvest a big buck.
The Texans are fortunate that Faren has accommodations for them at his lakeside cabin on Kahola Lake, a nearby fishing paradise and currently home for thousands of ducks awaiting a cold spell to send them on south.
Well, on the day of the Texans arrival Faren told his friends that to get their hunt started right, the group would eat steaks at the cabin and afterwards they could help him put up some blinds.
So, they arrived at the cabin late in the afternoon and Faren started up the barbecue grill. To his guests, Faren seemed to be in no particular hurry, so one of ’em asked, “Hadn’t we better get to work on those blinds. It will be dark pretty quick.”
To which Faren replied nonchalantly, “No hurry, we’ve got lights.”
The friend replied, “What? We gonna use spotlights? That’ll be kinda tough, won’t it?”
“Nah,” Faren replied. “We’ll just flip on the switch. Just relax and we’ll enjoy the steaks first and then work on the blinds.”
Now, completely confused, the friend countered, “Just where in the heck are we gonna build those duck blinds for you?”
“Duck blinds?” Faren replied. “We’re not gonna build duck blinds. You’re gonna help me work on putting up blinds in the windows of the cabin so you can have a little privacy while you’re staying here.”
That prompted a good laugh from all. I’ll say this: This is the first time I’ve ever heard of the English language confusing a bunch of hunters.
I’ve got another friend, ol’ Bush E. Chinn, who has had a full beard as long as I’ve known him. So, I wuz surprised when I met Bush in the bar and grill in town the other day and his face wuz as clean shaven as a new-born baby’s rear end.
“What happened to the beard,” I asked.
“Shaved it off as self-protection,” he replied.
Now really curious, I went on, “How did shaving your beard protect you?”
“Because,” Bush said, “I had to go to the dentist this morning for a followup visit and I remembered that, during the first visit, I wuz in more pain from the dentists tweaking by beard hairs when they were working in my mouth than I wuz from the tooth work. I wuzn’t gonna let that happen again.”
Guess that explained it pretty well to me.
The tragedy that hit the East Coast from Hurricane Sandy, and the big earthquake that hit the West Coast the same day, reminded me of why I like living in the center of the nation.
I told ol’ Nevah that folks who choose to live near a beach on the east coast can pretty well be assured that sometime during their lives they’ll get hit big by a hurricane.
Likewise, if you live on the West Coast, you can rest assured that sometime you’ll get hit by a damaging or devastating earthquake.
Now here in the Big Middle we can be assured of the occasional drought, the occasional flood and the occasional tornado. I freely admit that all three of those weather happenings can be disastrous, even deadly. But, I still prefer to take my chances with them over hurricanes and earthquakes. On solid ground, a long way from the ocean, is where I choose to keep my feet.
There’s still another reason I like living in the Big Middle. After the election results, I like a lot of real estate between me and the tsunami of blue states on both coasts.
I’ll end with this story about a famous minister who had to cancel, a week in advance, a scheduled appearance at a rural church. The regular minister, thinking fast, announced that in place of the famous minister’s appearance, the church would host a grape festival. Everyone could eat all the grapes they could devour.
Unfortunately, between that day and the festival, the area received a hail storm that wiped out the local grape crop. However, it didn’t deter a massive crowd from descending on the church for the festival.
So, the regular minister took the microphone and announced, “As you know, our local grape crop was hailed out. I’m sorry to report we don’t have any fresh grapes. However, we did find a source of raisins and have plenty of cream to go on them. Enjoy!”
Until next week, remember these words of wisdom about disappointment: Band leader Les Brown is reported to have said, “Anytime you suffer a setback, put your head down and plow ahead.” Good advice. ❖