A man-made disaster | TheFencePost.com

A man-made disaster

Laugh Tracks in the Dust
Milo Yield
Damphewmore Acres, Kan.

Our community’s Old Boars’ Breakfast Club at the old Toledo Township High School building in Saffordville has been put to the test of its resolve the past two weeks. Happenings have gone from bad to worse, from awkward circumstance to just plain chaos. It’s proven that this old saying is true: “If you think things can’t get worst, just wait!

Here’s what happened. At Old Boar Hap E. Golucky’s wedding reception three weeks ago, the organizers fixed dimmers to the gymnasium lights to create a “romantic mood.” However, after the reception, no one changed the gymnasium lights back to normal.

So, when local auctioneer, Hayes T. Speaker, prepared for an auction a few days later, he noticed the gym lights were dim and summoned a local electrician to come fix the problem. The electrician did, but then he went out to check on the electric meter and the lines coming into the old school.

Alas, he discovered two things. One, the recent huge windstorm had caused some damage to the lead-in wire from the electric company pole, and, two, the electric meter itself was in the middle of an overgrown tree and could scarcely be reached to be read.

At that point, the electrician thought it wise to summon the electric company and report the damaged line. So, the electric company lineman came out, climbed the pole, and, without notifying anyone, cut the lead-in wires to the building and posted that there was a “mandated 2 week outage for repairs.” Then he went home.

Meanwhile, the head cook and bottle washer at the Old Boars’ Breakfast, ol’ Dison Frye, goes to Emporia to buy provisions for the OB Breakfast and discovers that all the club’s food in the fridge is spoiled — German sausages, frozen waffles, sticks and tubs of butter and margarine, syrups, all kinds of jelly, milk and creamer, diced garlic, hot peppers, ketchup, mayo, mustard, etc. So, he takes the recently purchased food and finds room for it in his personal fridge and freezer.

Meanwhile, Wednesday morning rolls around, so Dison and I head to Emporia at 6 a.m. and buy a bunch of cold cereals, fresh milk, orange juice, an assortment of sweet rolls, and three kinds of fresh fruit — strawberries, pineapple and bananas. Then, we brought Dison’s small propane-fueled generator from his home and fired it up for lights and electricity for making coffee. We explained to the 18 folks who showed up for breakfast that morning that we’d decided everybody wuz too fat and we’re putting everyone on an involuntary diet. They all laughed at that. After breakfast, they voted to have another “cold” breakfast the next week if the electricity hadn’t been repaired.

Well, it wuzn’t. In fact it got worse. Someone in “officialdom” decided that the tree entangled in the electric meter and the electric pole needed to go. So, the chainsaw operator managed to get the tree felled — BUT, he also managed to bring down the entire electric pole with the tree.

So, this week we not only had another “cold” breakfast, but 22 persons showed up to drink hot coffee in a kitchen lighted with one dim-bulbed lamp (a romantic mood lamp for geezers) and munch on cold cereal, sweet rolls, breakfast cakes and, believe it or not, two strawberry/rhubarb pies that a member brought. Nuthin’ like dessert with breakfast.

And, so, now we aren’t sure we’ll have electricity by next week because the electric company has to come set a new pole. The OB Club is out a couple hundred bucks in wasted food and we may have to pay for the electric pole. Like I said in the beginning — a mess turned into a man-made disaster.

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Oh, I failed to mention that I took all the spoiled grub from the OB Club fridge and emptied all of it into my now-very-diverse compost pile. Wonder if soil microbes like ketchup, mustard and mayo?

•••

One good thing about last week. It’s been cooler and I think the fish have awakened from their long summer slumber. Me and my three amigo neighbor kids went to ol’ Parker Loosely’s pond and the kids caught 11 bass over 2 pounds — three of which were more than 4 pounds. We added a few crappie and bluegills into the mix.

Today, within the hour, my buddy Claude Hopper, from Pratt, will arrive for a few days of fall fishing and after he leaves, in early October my New Mexico buddy, ol’ Albie Kirky and his two sons will come up for their fall fishing expedition. I don’t know if we’ll catch any fish, but I’ll bet we have a good time trying.

•••

I got all my chicken and wildlife food plots planted last Friday. All I have left is where the tomatoes, peppers and sweet spud are still growing. Planting those plots will have to wait until after frost.

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I’ve never seen the nation’s political system in such a mess as it’s in now. Impeachment, Ukranian scandals, bombastic rhetoric, seizing firearms from law-abiding citizens are the order of the day. It’s a mess and the year 2020 will be worse, I’ll betcha. The election will be a doozey.

•••

Words of wisdom for the week: How do you milk sheep? Bring out a new iPhone and charge $1,000 for it.

Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. Wonder which will arrive first? Have a good ‘un. ❖



Milo Yield




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