Fish elusive lately | TheFencePost.com

Fish elusive lately

Laugh Tracks in the Dust
Milo Yield
Damphewmore Acres, Kan.

Early this afternoon the temperature at Damphewmore Acres was in the high 60s. In the last hour, temps have dropped to 48. Tomorrow morning, the forecasted temperature is in the mid to low 30s. Brrrr! The late-planted soybeans sure don’t need an early frost — and neither do I, as a matter of fact.

I want at least a couple of weeks of nice, sunny, pleasant fall weather before winter temperatures arrive.

•••

The fishing last week was less than memorable. First, my old college buddy at Bea Wilder U., Claude Hopper, from Pratt, Kan., came for a couple days fishing. The results were pretty skimpy. All we caught were small bass, crappie and bluegills.

After Claude went home, the Kirky family arrived from New Mexico and Texas — Albie, Quirkey, and Mirky — for three days of fishing. Once again, we caught no fish larger than 2 pounds, however, we did start scoring on some smallish catfish out of my pond at Damphewmore Acres. The catfish stringer contained channel cats, bullheads, and what I swear are channel/bullhead crosses. My fish expert friends assure me that such a cross doesn’t happen, but I can tell you for sure, those unusual cats are not straight bullheads, channel cats or flatheads. Regardless, they were fun to catch.

I decided to trap some minnows from a nearby pond before the Kirky clan arrived. Alas, the cattle in the pasture waded into the pond, got tangled in the trap rope and broke it off. I knew exactly in the pond where I tossed the trap, so I tried for an hour with a heavy rake and rope to find the wayward trap and rescue it and the hundreds of minnows that I’m sure were in it. No such luck. So, I guess I can chalk that experience up to “just another goofy Milo Yieldism.”

•••

Our community wuz saddened by the departure to the Great Pasture in the Sky of another prominent rancher this week. Howard wuz friendly, hard-working, community-minded and a generous and dedicated family man, cattleman and horseman.

Howard raised a fine family of three daughters. He served in the U.S. Army during the Vietnam War. He was chairman of the Chase County Fair Board for longer than I knew him. His list of community service jobs is long and impressive.

Although I was a “newcomer” into his community, Howard and I became solid friends, easily conversing about every topic under the sun. He generously gave me permission to trespass into his fields and pastures to hunt quail and catch fish. In return, I shared tomatoes and other produce from my garden.

Losing a solid citizen like Howard, always leaves a void in the community. Hopefully, the void can be partially filled by fond remembrances, stories and memories of him. Such is the cycle of life and death we all experience.

•••

The current scalding hot political climate in America hopped into my mind when I ran across a humorous little “educational item” explaining the differences between a socialist, a communist, a Democrat, and a Republican. Here it is, and it’s not original:

Socialist: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

Communist: You have two cows. The government seizes both cows and provides you with a cup of milk per day.

Democrat: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful and having excess. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel self-righteous.

Republican: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows that feed many and employ many more. You earn more and pay more taxes.

•••

A farm wife, hurrying to the parts store before it closes, runs a red traffic light in her beat-up pickup truck and crashes into a city man’s expensive car. Both vehicles are demolished, but amazingly neither passenger is hurt.

After they crawl out of their totaled cars, the farm wife says, “Wow, just look at our vehicles! There’s nothing left, but fortunately, we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends.”

The man replies,” I agree completely. This must be a sign from God!”

The farm wife continues, “And look at this — here’s another miracle. My pickup is completely demolished, but my bottle of wine behind the seat didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.”

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The farm wife takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”

The wise farm wife replies, “Nah. I think I’ll just wait for the police.”

•••

Words of wisdom for the week: Best way to find out if you’re getting old: Fall down in front of a lot of people. If they laugh, you’re still young. If they panic and start running to you, you’re old.

Have a good ‘un. ❖