Petersen: DawgDays | TheFencePost.com

Petersen: DawgDays

Here we all are… stumbling onward toward 2019. For a bazillion years, I've written and produced an annual Toot, Snoot, 'n Hoot comedy show, proceeds benefitting a variety of good causes. Digging through old, and often fossilized files, I came across one script featuring The Mighty Sheep Dip Art Players in: DAWGDAYS at the TONGUE IN CHEEK SALOON, An Evening of Corn, Comedy and Capers.

I don't think DAWGDAYS was ever actually produced. It's so old, it was typed on what was then a state-of-the-art electric typewriter. Remember those? The following jokes came from Dawg Days script and likely are just as ancient as the typewriter. The gags were harvested from everywhere, but not from the Internet, although no doubt they've all been posted there by a millennial programmer worker.

In any case, here's a wad of groaners from the afore-mentioned show. Sweet Grass County is populated mainly by Norwegians, sho love to laugh. I, personally, am Irish/English, I married a Dane so that's close enough, wouldn't you say?

Why did the baby turkey bolt down his food?

Because he was a little gobbler.

How does a sick sheep feel?

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Baaaaaaaaaaad!

What did the little porcupine say when it bumped into a cactus?

Hi, Mom.

Knock, knock

Who's there?

Ammonia

Ammonia who?

(sing) Ammonia bird in a gilded cage.

Little pigeon in the sky

Dropping things from way up high

Angry farmer wipes his eye

Very glad that cows don't fly.

Why did the burglar take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway.

Why don't they sell lemonade in boots?

Because it leaks through the shoelaces.

Why did the farmer hit the clock?

Because the clock struck first.

Why wouldn't the Norwegian read the dictionary?

He was waiting for the movie.

What's wrong with Norwegian coffee?

One month later, you're sleepy again.

Why did Ole plant his hands?

He wanted to grow a palm tree.

Why couldn't Lena make ice cubes?

She lost the recipe.

Did you hear about Ole? He went ice fishing.

He brought back 50 pounds of ice; then he drowned when he tried to fry it.

How many Norwegians does it take to replace a light bulb?

Three. One to hold the bulb and two to turn the ladder.

What did Ole do with the Gold Medal he won at the Olympics?

He was so proud of it, he had it bronzed.

Why were the 10 Norwegians pushing a house down the street?

They were trying to get the furnace started.

How did Ole get bad face burns?

He was bobbing for French fries.

How do you break a Norwegian's finger?

Punch him in the nose.

What's the difference between elephants and boiled potatoes?

You can't mash elephants.

Why did the dog chase his tail?

He was trying to make ends meet.

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Beamie.

Beamie who?

Beamie up, Scottie

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Tick.

Tick who?

Tick 'em up. This is a hold up. ❖