Petersen: Golden Age Hooplah | TheFencePost.com

Petersen: Golden Age Hooplah

Have you ever constructed a newsletter? Or thought about doing so? These days it seems every business, store, organization, school, website…you name it, a newsletter brags on its product or service.

Thus, I am moved to create a newsletter on behalf of persons of "golden years" persuasion. While there's many a publication that purports to represent seniors, few to none are written by anyone who actually dwells in Alley Oop land.

Title: GOLDEN AGE HOOPLA.

There's a bazillion meanings to the word "hoopla." From my dictionary, the definition I like best is: excitement surrounding an event or situation, especially when considered to be unnecessary fuss. Synonyms: disturbance, racket, uproar, tumult, ruckus, clamor. Or as the poet Dylan Thomas put it: Do not go gentle into that good night.

Each issue will contain quips, quotes, comedy and satire culled from Internet, from humorous tomes, from comedians, from folklore, from any newspaper, and of course from the daily bottomless well of political claptrap that never dries up.

GOLDEN AGE HOOPLA will be published whenever I get around to it. Or maybe I'll just write a book divided into the following Hoopla chapters.

Recommended Stories For You

HOOPLA ONE

Early Signs: Using the phrases: Back in my time… I used to… Kids these days…

HOOPLA TWO

Cataract — not necessarily a waterfall dropping down a cliffside.

HOOPLA THREE

Perks: False teeth, drooling, morning phlegm.

HOOPLA FOUR

Daily Exercise: Getting out of bed — one more time.

HOOPLA FIVE

Giving up all the things that make you you want to live longer.

HOOPLA SIX

The waistline goes missing. Flannel clothing becomes a fashion statement.

HOOPLA SEVEN

Parts seize up, deteriorate and/or fall off.

HOOPLA EIGHT

Surgical procedures. Tallying one's remaining parts.

HOOPLA NINE

Health and Beauty: Counting liver spots or: Don't scare the horses.

HOOPLA 10

Outdoor Activities: Inertia — the sport of choice.

HOOPLA 11

Travel and recreation. Planning for bathroom stops.

HOOPLA 12

Memory goes missing or: What am I here after?

HOOPLA 13

Coping with scammers, telemarketers and do-gooders.

HOOPLA 14

When one is on a first-name basis with one's doctor.

Drugs, medications, tablets, pills…

HOOPLA 15

Governor's Conference on Aging

HOOPLA 16

Funerals, there goes another peer.

HOOPLA 18

Going for a hundred: No peer pressure.

HOOPLA 19

Golden Years and other fairy tales.

Undertaker: "How old was your husband?

Elderly woman: "98. Two years older than me."

Undertaker: "So, you're 96."

Elderly Woman: "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

HOOPLA 20

Onward into the fog…

A Cowgirl Credo

Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave in a well-preserved body,

but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting…

Holy Cow — What a ride! ❖