Petersen: The Famous Pig Song (ala Cowboy Clyde)
Sometimes situations, events and plain being-fed-up with the current political posturing tends to drive a cowboy — while socializing in the local Old Boot Saloon — to indulge in excessive consumption of adult beverages.
Which is what happened to Cowboy Clyde last Saturday night. After he and Clem finished restarting the world, Clyde stumbled from the Old Boot intending to wend his way to his pickup. He woozily determined he’d take a nap in the back so’s he could sober up enough to drive back to the ranch. It was a pretty good plan, all things considered. However, as he attempted to cross the street, his equilibrium failed. He sank, or rather collapsed, to the Earth and landed on his back snuggled up against the curb in the street. Clyde, used to bunkhouse beds, found his position plumb comfortable.
Later, he created the following parody to The Famous Pig Song — an old, old folk song which has a jillion variations. Here’s Clyde’s, which you can sing or recite according to your inclination.
The Famous Pig Song (ala Cowboy Clyde)
‘Twas an evening in October, Clyde confessed he wasn’t sober,
He was stumbling down the street in manly pride,
Then his feet began to stutter and he fell into the gutter,
And a pig came up and lay down by his side.
As he lay there in the gutter, why his heart was all a-flutter,
Till a cowgirl passing by was heard to say:
“You can tell a man who boozes by the company he chooses,”
Then the pig got up and slowly walked away.
Then Clyde heard a gentle mooing; it was like a pigeon cooing,
As a placid Jersey cow stopped in her stride,
And her eyes were big and gentle; her expression sentimental,
As she curtsied low and sat down by his side.
Then Clyde saw her eyelids flutter and a snort fell in the gutter,
As the placid Jersey cow did loudly say:
“I may be just a bovine, but to sit with you I do decline.”
And the cow got up and slowly walked away.
Then the moon began to shine-in that old gutter Clyde reclined-in,
Thinking of the weakness of the human race,
When a dog sat down beside him, Clyde thought it came to chide him,
But it gently licked the stubble on Clyde’s face.
In the gutter, still reclining, Clyde began Sweet Adeline-ing,
And the dog raised up its head to loudly bay;
You ain’t no way a singer, for this I cannot linger
Then the dog got up and slowly walked away.
So Clyde crawled up from the gutter; he was thinking of his Mother
As he sadly went about his lonely way;
He was weary, sick and busted; he was really quite disgusted,
So he staggered to the boss to draw his pay
Then Clyde thought about the swine who’d been so durned unkind
It had sneered at Clyde and slowly walked away
So Clyde saddled up ol’ Roanie and he rode off on the prairie
And he roped that pig; Clyde’s eatin’ ham today.
Clyde is currently searching for the Jersey cow and the smart aleck dog.
In addition he has vowed never to discuss politics while socializing. ❖