The plot thickens | TheFencePost.com

The plot thickens

It's January of the New Year and so far, all resolutions for self-improvement have been broken, abandoned or trashed. Therefore, it's time to write a play. Serious, intense, deep-meaning, soul-searching pathos elements of many dramatic offerings are fine if you like that sort of emotional enchantment.

As one who avoids all of the above descriptive adjectives, this play is a melodrama, a farce, an old-fashioned, unquestionably corny comedy. Read on for a preview of characters.

Title: JUSTICE PREVAILS or THERE'S A FLY IN THE OINTMENT OF LOVE

Time: 1899.

“Pullquote.”

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Place: Slipshod, Mont.

Setting: Pflooster Friendship Farm, a retirement home for fogies, broke-down cowboys and peculiar people.

CAST OF CHARACTERS

RUBILEE PFLOOSTER: Niece and ward of BLACKTOOTH & GERTRUDE FANGDIDDLE. RUBILEE will soon be 18 and of age to inherit the farm left by her deceased parents. She has been away at the Quality Boarding School for Good Girls for two years. She has come back to take over the farm and dreams of expanding the facilities.

Taking care of the old, the infirm, the hopeless and broke-down cowboys is her life work. She is very dedicated, naive, and perhaps a little dim.

AUNT GERTRUDE FANGDIDDLE & UNCLE BLACKTOOTH FANGDIDDLE: They are caretaker-managers of the PFLOOSTER FRIENDSHIP BOARDING FARM FOR OLD FOLKS.

A slovenly pair whose chief pursuit is the manufacture and peddling of "FANGDIDDLE'S SUBLIME ELIXIR OF JOY"(mostly alcohol). CURES ALL AILMENTS, SWEETENS THE BREATH AND MAKES CHILDBIRTH A PLEASURE." They bottle the Elixir, label and sell it in the town.

OPPORTUNE McFORTUNE: Lawyer, business tycoon and administrator of the PFLOOSTER FRIENDSHIP OLD FOLKS FOUNDATION.

He has RUBILEE convinced he's a good guy who only wants what's best for her. However, his true motive is to obtain ownership of the farm and the land. He is also determined to marry Rubilee, now that's she's of legal age.

SHERIFF STUDDLEY STOUTHEART: A young man of pure mind and lofty ideals. Naturally, he is handsome. His goal in life is to protect the innocent, catch wrong-doers, help old ladies and do right by all and sundry — whoever sundry is…. He is sweet on Rubilee of course.

MR. HIRAM BULLWRASSLER: Retired cowboy. A boarder at the farm. He's gone quite deaf in his dotage years but remains belligerently optimistic.

MRS. HETTIE WISTFUL: Widow woman. A boarder at the farm. Flutters a lot. Is sweet on Hiram.

MR. WHAMBAM SHEEPTICK: Retired sheepherder. A boarder at the farm. Recalls his sheep-ranching days with nostalgia. Uses cane to walk; or uses cane as a weapon if irked.

JUSTICE WELLES: Studdley Stoutheart's "Grampaw" (Studdley in old person disguise).

As part of investigating the problems at the Friendship Farm (old people are dying right after they will their property to OPPORTUNE McFORTUNE). STUDDLEY DONS A DISGUISE AND SIGNS INTO THE FRIENDSHIP FARM AS AN OLD PERSON.

AND THE PLOT THICKENS… ❖