Yield: A political limerick
July 14, 2017
I'm starting to write this column on Independence Day. Ol' Nevah and I had a real quiet Fourth of July holiday. We basically stayed home all four days and canned some carrots, tilled and watered the garden, watched patriotic shows about the Star Spangled Banner and the famous memorials in Washington, D.C., and watched our Royals emerge from hibernation and morph into an exciting baseball team to watch.
As we watched those patriotic TV shows, I got to thinking about the political swamp in the nation's capital and the vitriolic media and how our founders would turn over in their graves if they could see us squander many of the principles and freedoms to which they pledged their fortunes and sacred honor.
I've loved writing limericks for a long time and usually when I write them, I stick to agricultural themes. But in honor of Independence Day and in deference to our founders — and the political climate — I decided to wade into the politically-incorrect waters of politics and penned the following limericks that succinctly describe our politics as I see them today.
If you like them, fine. Same if you don't. I'm just exercising my Constitutional freedom of speech.
“Republican congresspersons are mired and tired. They’re shirking the job for which they were hired.”
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America's Fly-Over Nation got roused
Over what the "bi-coastal" elites espoused.
And elected a "Tweeter,"
Which makes it all sweeter.
As their socialist dreams get doused.
A politician insultingly tweeted
To a news anchor he thought needed
But it turns out the result
Of his tweeted insult.
Would have been better deleted.
Once there was a President Trump,
Who was banished from the mass media stump.
So he resorted to tweets.
To bypass those elites,
And now they're all mired deep in a funk.
Republican congresspersons are mired and tired.
They're shirking the job for which they were hired.
They twiddle-dee, twiddle-dumb,
'Cause they think we're all numb,
But, they might just end up being fired.
The Founders said we should celebrate,
The birth of our nation so great.
With illuminations high in the sky
On the Fourth of July,
Not piddling ones, but really first-rate.
Last week I started describing some new Aggie Emojis that I think the rural community should start using on social media.
Well, I've come up with some more.
* A farrier (horseshoer): The emoji of a head with a cowboy hat in the middle of an upside down horseshoe.
* A farmer stuck in the mud: The emoji of a muddy farmer's face in a billed-cap surrounded by a circle of log chain.
* A sheep shearer (compliments of my friend ol' Nick deHyde in Iowa): the emoji of sheep shearer in greasy chaps sitting on a wool sack with a bloody bandana wrapped around his left fist.
* A farmer/mechanic: The emoji of a farmer head holding a wrench to the forefront with bleeding knuckles.
I'll probably think of more Aggie Emojis in the future.
At one point during a youth baseball game in a small rural town, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"
Boy: "Yes, coach."
Coach: "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together, as a team?"
Boy nodding. "Yes, sir."
Coach: "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, or verbally attack the umpire and call him as blind as a bat. Do you understand all that?"
Boy: "Yes, sir."
Coach: "And when I take you out of the game so that a teammate gets a chance to play, we don't yell 'what a dumb decision' or 'playing favorites again' do we?"
Boy: "No, sir, coach."
Coach: "Good, Now please go over and explain all that to your parents."
Hope I survive all the deep water I've gotten myself into this week. Have a good 'un.❖