Yield: My first smart phone | TheFencePost.com

Yield: My first smart phone

Here's a little tidbit that will make any youthful readers of my columns shake their heads and chuckle. After years of resistance, I got dragged kicking and screaming into purchasing a smart phone. And the reason for this change of heart has to do with my ears. I, pure and simple, can hear folks better on a smart phone than on my old flip phone.

And now for another admission. I'm actually enjoying my smart phone, although I'm using only a fraction of what it's designed to do. In addition to hearing phone conversations much better with my new phone, I'm also appreciating being able to check for e-mail messages without going into the basement to my computer.

And, it's pretty handy for checking the immediate, local weather in real time. Pretty amazing to see the rain clouds on my smart phone as I watch them advance on Damphewmoreacres and start a nice shower.

Plus, the voice recognition feature of my smart phone is pretty dazzling. It's an amazement that an old codger like me can speak to my smart phone and ask for the winning numbers of the Mega Millions and Powerball jackpots (which, by the way, I didn't win. So, I'm still poor) and the numbers pop up on the screen almost before I can get my mouth shut from asking.

And, I don't use Google Earth very often. But it's pretty clever to find places on this old globe where I used to live and see what the area looks like today.

Perhaps the best part of my new smart phone is how cheap it wuz. I found an LG model on a special pf $1 per month for 30 months. I got out of the store with the phone and all the gizmos to go with it for under $85. Now that's cheap … and right down my fiscal conservative alley.

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Got two true rural wedding stories to pass along. First, a young Chase County cowboy wuz set to get hitched on a Saturday. He works as a hand on one of the local ranches.

So, he asked for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday off from work, "So I can get ready for the wedding Saturday."

The ranch owner readily agreed to the days off, so he was surprised when the pending groom shows up for work bright and early Thursday morning.

"I thought you needed three days off to get ready for your wedding," the ranch owner queried.

The soon-to-be husband replied sheepishly, "All I've been doing is stewing, fretting and worrying about getting married. I need to work at something to keep my mind occupied."

On Saturday, the hitching went off without a hitch.

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Second wedding story's even funnier. It took place at a rural wedding in Tennessee attended by someone from Chase County.

It wuz a nice wedding and everything went according to plan. The service wuz beautiful. The post-wedding party wuz a glorious affair. The bride and groom were radiant as the onlookers showered them with rice as they prepared to leave in the groom's car for their honeymoon.

The ornery friends of the newlyweds had stuffed the car full of helium filled small balloons — the front and back seats, the dash, even the trunk wuz full of balloons.

When the newlyweds got to the car, they opened the front doors and out flew a slew of balloons. They laughingly raked the balloons from the dash and front seat and hopped in and set off down the road with the back seat still full of balloons.

A few miles down the road toward their honeymoon, the newlyweds were pecking and cooing and snuggling in the front seat when all of a sudden the groomsman sits straight up in the back seat amidst a sea of balloons and yells, "Hey, I love a road trip. Where are we headed?"

After the newlyweds got over their shock and laughter at the prank, they headed back to the church and let the groomsman out of their honeymoon mobile.

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My gardening is about finished for the year. The frosted tomato vines are pulled and ready for the neighbor kids to use for duck blind camouflage. The tomato cages are stored for the winter. A needed barn repair is finished. The chicken house is winterized.

Only thing left growing in the garden is the carrots which survived the frost. Some broadcast peas might get the pods filled. Some turnips that I planted for ground cover are kicking in their growth. And the last planting of radishes is yielding a fine crop. The last four food plots are planted and, with the nice shower we got, the wheat is already sprouting.

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Last week I related the problems I have with red/green colorblindness. Well, I have another example. It wuz a problem with both colorblindness and senility. I had to buy a new tractor battery. I got it home at dusk and in the dim light of the garage I hooked up the battery cables and the tractor wouldn't start. The next morning I discovered that I hadn't seen, nor remembered, that the positive terminal always is covered with a red plastic shield. I didn't see it. Hence, the tractor wouldn't start. Took the red thingy off and "voila" the tractor started. I'd have seen it if it were blue.

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Words of wisdom for the week: "Sometimes the first step towards forgiveness is realizing the other person was born an idiot." Have a good 'un. ❖