Sow’s Ear: Feet don’t fail me, please
by Gwen Petersen
Big Timber, Mont.
When it’s calving season on the ranch,
My life is not my own,
For I must do the heifer dance,
Regardless how I groan.
In my Carhartt coat, my cap pulled low
To guard against the weather;
I pull on boots and once more go
Out to check the heifers.
For 27 days, I’ve lived in sweats,
And slept in a rocking chair;
I’ve slogged through snow and mud–and yet,
The job’s still lurking there!
I think as I trudge just one more time,
Of bubble baths and creams,
And an actual bed upon which to recline,
But I know it’s only a dream.
For in the shed there’s 11 more heifers
Each waiting to have a baby;
I’m doomed to wear these sweats forever,
I think I’m going crazy.
I dream of spas where needs are met
With massage and fancy lotions,
Applied by persons who could make me forget
All my upsetting notions.
It’s just my fancy, but what’s the harm?
I tramp on tired feet;
It’s my ninety-ninth trip out to the barn,
And I am totally beat.
But not to worry, for I have a gadget
That relieves my aching feet;
A roller-ball gizmo, and when I’ve had it,
It gives my feet a treat.
When I’m done for the night, and relax at last,
I collapse in my rocking chair,
And roller my feet – oh, it’s a gas!
There’s nothing like it, I swear!
So while I may dream of fancy spas,
Where persons jump to my call,
When calving, just give me a foot massage
With my trusty roller ball.
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Cameron Ross Irons, age 32, was apprehended May 24 on an arrest warrant for Larceny of Domestic Animals (Horse) after criminal charges were filed by Texas and Southwestern Cattle Raisers Association Special Ranger Bart Perrier.