Sow’s Ear: What to do with a box full of used parts
April 14, 2006
by Gwen Petersen
Big Timber, Mont.
Do you wonder what they do with all the bits, pieces and fragments surgically removed from the average body in a lifetime? Are there garage sales featuring used parts? Are there collectors who treasure antique body bits like book-lovers cherish old books? I’d be happy to donate, but please wait for my demise as many of parts are still in use, though some are not working as well as they once did.
What To Do With A Box Full Of Used Parts
In a box in my closet high up on a shelf,
I have stored up the parts of my younger self.
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The container is of glass as I feel it’s a must
To protect removed items from soil and from dust.
And sometimes I open it up just to see
The assortment of items that once were part me.
There’s my gall bladder resting in a clear glass jar,
Like a dead jelly fish or a nasty blob of tar.
My store-bought teeth have disappeared from view,
On account of my gums have shrunk, and I drool!
I talk through my lips but it’s hard to speak plainly
When my mouth flaps about in a manner ungainly.
They’re gonna replace my worn out bum knees
With plastic and metal and then possibly,
The security guards at those airport locations
Will have me arrested all over the nation.
On both of my eyeballs they did something
They took out cataracts and installed bits of plastic!
My skin has the texture of scum on stale beer,
A prune looks better next to me in a mirror.
And don’t let me stray too far from a biffy,
Cuz my bladder control is distressingly iffy.
My feet? Well, both arches are sadly quite flat,
Like flippers on a duck, when I walk, my feet flap.
So what else is left to remove or install?
I don’t want to know, bad news makes me bawl.
But when it comes time to send for the hearse,
You can toss in my parts as well as this verse.
Just polish my parts till they’re shiny as dimes,
And also make sure that everything rhymes.