Tales from the O-NO Ranch | TheFencePost.com
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Tales from the O-NO Ranch

Mad Jack Hanks
Wellington, Colo.

Profiling has become a bad, bad word in our politically correct world. Kinda silly, don’t ya think?

I’ve heard it said many, many times that airport employees are told not to stop people that appear to be from Middle Eastern countries to screen because that might be considered profiling. It might just cause us to be called “racist.”

For Pete’s sake, where did the folks come from that attacked our Twin Towers, and the very heart of our defense network, the Pentagon? Why, they came from the Middle East, silly.

So why should we not be able to profile them? Heck, we profile horses at the horse sale. I know some guys don’t happen to like horses of certain colors as they believe them to be more “bronky” than others. For example, I know guys that wouldn’t touch a black horse, or a dun, or a Paint or maybe an Appaloosa just because they are just not as reliable as say, a sorrel or a bay. I’ve been bucked off sorrels, bays, Palominos, and duns. I’ve also owned and got along great with all of the above at different times in my cowboy career.

We profile cattle at the sale barn. Some guys don’t want black Angus, white Charolais, Mexican Corrientes or Texas Longhorns. See where I’m comin’ from? I wonder why in the world we put up with such foolishness from certain groups of folks when we know it’s just plain stupid to play their game?

Profiling is okay. You chose your mate by profiling folks of the opposite sex, didn’t you? Of course you did. I profile women when I go out dancing.

Speakin’ of that. … let me tell you what always happens to us guys that like to dance a lot. We find some little cutie that is dying to get on the dance floor and after two or three dances with her she says, “Would you do me a big favor and dance with my girlfriend sitting there with me?”

“Ugh … errrr … the blond that is sitting in two chairs and looks a lot like Herman Munster?” you ask with a quivering voice.

“Yes, she is just dying to dance and you’re such a good dancer, it would just make her day.”

I had a lady pull that on me more than once, and I had told her over and over not to push me off on her girlfriends. If I wanted to dance with them, I would ask them on my own. See, I was profiling.

Well, she took it too far one night and asked me to dance with one of her girlfriends right in front of the lady, so I would not have a choice but to do it. I did it, but when she came over again, I asked her if she would dance with one of my buddies, who is notorious for bending ladies arms out of shape, and I asked her right in front of him. She had no choice. She has never asked me again to dance with one of her friends.

Profiling is okay. We need to profile in order to feel comfortable with decisions that we have to make. I don’t want four guys gettin’ on an airplane with me from the Middle East that have not been checked out from stem to stern. I’m purty sure they wouldn’t want me to dance with their teenage daughters unless they knew a little more about me, right? Works both ways, don’t it?

You guys profile the folks that write for this paper and you profile the ads that are of interest to you. It’s okay, yer doin’ the right thing.

I saw in the paper the other day where one of the candidates running for governor plea bargained over a hundred cases involving crimes committed by folks that were in this country illegally. You know what he charged them with after finding out some were dealing large amounts of drugs and other assorted felonies? He let them off after they pleaded guilty to ” get this ” AGRICULTURE TRESPASS! Some remarkable insight from a district attorney … amazin’, ain’t it? Great Scott, what are we gettin’ for our tax dollars?

Let’s profile and let’s do it all the time!

Stay tuned, check yer cinch on occasion and I’ll c. ya.


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