Tales from the O-NO Ranch 3-8-10 | TheFencePost.com

Tales from the O-NO Ranch 3-8-10

Mad Jack Hanks
Wellington, Colo.

Gentle readers, when was the last time you got hit with an unexpected truth? Blind sided by a truth you never expected!

A young woman is in the checkout line at the super market. There is a intoxicated man standing behind her with a six pack under his arm. She lays out on the conveyor belt a half dozen eggs, whole wheat bread, lotion, wheat germ oil, a quart of soy milk and a T.V. Guide. He taps her on the shoulder and when she turns around she is greeted with, “Yer single, ain’t ya?”

Somewhat taken back but always in the hunt for a man that notices her, she replies, “Yes, yes I am single. I’m interested to know how you arrived at that conclusion,” she asked.

“Cause yer ugly.”

See, an unexpected truth. Long ago and far away on the Texas ranch I had been asked by the ag teacher at the local high school if he could bring out his class for some hands-on experience with the branding process. I had replied that would be fine and we set up a date and a place for them to meet us to brand some calves. Keeping in mind, these calves were only a few weeks old but were “Brama” cross and they could jump and kick like a deer.

Here we were in the corral and the students were standing with arms crossed in front watching as the first calf was roped from horseback and drug to the fire. These calves were small enough that they could be roped around the neck and handled without heeling them. I was explaining to the kids how we grabbed the rope at the calf’s neck with the right hand and then the left hand went under the calf’s opposite flank and he was dropped to the ground with the holder’s knee on the calf’s neck and so on. We demonstrated this procedure on three of four calves before we let any of them try it.

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There was this one big ol’ kid, a football varsity tackle that stood about 6-foot-3 and some 240 or 250 pounds. He was dressed in a T-shirt and coveralls. He almost demanded to be first to flank a calf. I didn’t argue. As a small calf was drug up to him he reached down and grabbed the calf around the neck with both arms and tried to slam him to the ground. The wreck was on. It was funny to watch. The little calf managed to stick a hind leg down inside of the front of his coveralls and let loose of his bowels. This big ol’ kid could not dislodge the little calf to get away from him. It was like trying to put a diaper on a locoed hoss. The kid found himself on the ground on his back with the calf on top still peelin’ the hide off of his stomach.

We finally pulled the pair apart and got the calf worked but there were no more volunteers step forward to help. The kids watched as we worked the calves and the big ol’ kid had received an unexpected truth. He never ever guessed that little calf would get the best of him.

If you receive an unexpected truth sometime this week, I hope it’s one that makes ya feel good all over!

Stay tuned, check yer cinch on occasion and I’ll c. ya.