Tales from the O-NO Ranch 7-13-09 | TheFencePost.com
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Tales from the O-NO Ranch 7-13-09

Mad Jack Hanks
Wellington, Colo.

I am not a handyman. No siree, not me. I always felt a little ashamed that I couldn’t, or maybe I should say that I didn’t enjoy doing most of the things that a handyman is required.

Sure, I can clean out a gutter, adjust the float on a swamp cooler and little things like that. When it comes to electrical work or doing some plumbing, color me hiding somewhere else.

I never was a mechanic or a carpenter. Heck, there are some of you gals out there that are better at most of this stuff than I am.

I have been told that I’m purty handy with a pen and pencil, young horses or a chicken fried steak. See, there are some talents I have.

Gentle readers, today was the day I had chosen to replace an older and leaking toilet. I pulled the old one out yesterday and had done all the prep work before this operation. I was ready. I stopped at the T Bar for coffee on my way to the big box store where I would select my toilet.

Joe said, “Why don’t ya just pay somebody to come out and hook that thing up for you? Those toilets can be heavy. Heck, I bet ya could get somebody to do that for you for 40 or 50 bucks. That’s what I did when I bought my last one.”

Now how did Joe know that I wasn’t a handyman? Had word gotten around that I wasn’t all that skilled when it came to this sort of thing? That really did it. I had to do it myself now. Off to the store where there were dozens and dozens of toilets. Guess what? I had written down the size of my old one and even drew a diagram of how the bottom would rest on the floor. I told ya I was handy with a pencil.

I finally selected the correct one, placed it on a four wheel dolly, and Joe was correct when he said they were heavy in those big boxes they were packaged in. I made it to the front where a young woman greeted me and ask if she could help.

“Sure,” I said. She had already eyed me as a hayseed.

“Sir, if you would just pick up the box and hold it up in front of this scanner for me!”

“Ugh, you may have to help me, ma’am, it’s a little heavy and hard to lift.” I weakly spoke.

She ‘laffed,’ “I’m just kidding, I can scan it on the dolly.” Boy was I relieved.

To make it around the barn on this story I got the big ole box unloaded at the house. I actually sat down and read most of the instructions and then went to work getting it installed. It looked great, worked perfectly, and I only had two little washers left over.

I’m a handyman ya know!

Stay tuned, check yer cinch on occasion and I’ll c. ya.


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