Tales from the O-NO Ranch | TheFencePost.com
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Tales from the O-NO Ranch

Mad Jack Hanks
Wellington, Colo.

Gentle readers, I would bet ya a snow cone against a pickle that most of you have heard Abbott and Costello’s “Who’s on first?”routine. If you are too young to remember, I’ll give you a close comparison.

I walked into this resort (cabin) motel place in the mountains to check into a room or cabin that the local stockgrowers had provided for me, as I was to speak at their banquet this particular evening. There was a short little lady, an American Indian, talkin’ on the phone behind the desk.

I walked up close enough so she could see me, as I barely could see her over the counter. She was talkin’ to another woman on the phone and it went like this … “No, dear, I can only let you have cabin #3 for $50 a night for the 4th and the 5th … then I will move you to cabin #16 for $75 a night for four or more for the 6th and the 7th.

Now you can only have three people in cabin #3 for the 4th and the 5th and then you … What? No, no, no; two guys already have cabin #5 for the 4th and the 5th. Do you understand?”

A feller walked in behind me and stood in line. We listened to this same conversation over and over for at least 10 minutes and finally he just threw up his hands and walked out in disgust. This lady had never, not one time, ever looked over the counter to acknowledge either of us.

She started this conversation again and I sat down in a chair and let my throat clear rather loudly and blew out a pathetic sigh … still, she never looked up once. I got up in a few minutes and walked over to the counter, folded my arms and leaned on the counter and glared at her.

She never looked up to make eye contact. “No dear, it’s cabin #3 for the 4th and the 5th for $50 for three people, no more … and then you go to cabin #16 on the 6th and the 7th for $75 for four or more people a night … yes, yes, thank you.” Now I had been there for at least 20 minutes listening to this painful conversation and I had about had it.

The lady hung up the phone, looked and me and held up one finger and said, “I need to take one more call and then I’ll be with you.”

I said, “Nope, I’ve got a reservation here and I just need the key to my room so I can rest up a little.”

Obviously mad, she asked, “What is your name?”

“It’s Hanks, Jack Hanks and the local stockgrowers are providing me with a room and I have a letter here to that effect that you are holding a room for me.” She looked through her reservations … Hank, Hank, Hank ” Nope, I got no reservation for you. What else would it be under?”

“It might be under MAD JACK HANKS, not HANK, or it might be under the stockgrowers name.”

“Nope, nope ” nothin’ here, Hank. I’m sorry I can’t help you.” I was just about to blow my top when I remembered the promise I made myself after all of our family trials a few years back with so much sickness and loss of loved ones … “It ain’t no big deal, it ain’t no big deal!” I turned and headed for the door and said, “I’ll go get a room somewhere else. No big deal.”

“I’M ONLY ONE PERSON. I CAN’T DO BUT ONE THING AT A TIME!” she bellered out at me.

I was gone and had a nice room down the street in 15 minutes. The banquet was fun, good ranch folks, one congressman, another feller that is runnin’ for the governor’s office, and some local town folks. I wound up on first at the banquet and had a great time with real folks that grow our food and keep some common sense in our “shrink wrapped society.”

That was a big deal ” a big deal to me anyway ” to share with those that think like I do.

Stay tuned, check yer cinch on occasion and I’ll c. ya.


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