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Tales from the O-NO Ranch

Mad Jack Hanks
Wellington, Colo.

It’s as simple as that! Really? Sometimes I don’t think so.

Do you, gentle readers, believe

that as a society we are really simple-minded folks? I don’t think so; then again, I wonder when I see and hear certain things on the “telly.”

For example, I watched

a commercial on the tube last night and I have seen it several times. It goes like this: a pizza delivery guy delivers a pizza to this certain house, and the man of the house comes to the door. With a great deal of knowledge about the availability of the types of pizzas on this chain’s menu, he outwits the pizza delivery guy. The pizza guy, who is just a high school kid or maybe in college, lowers his head, smiles and walks away.

The man of the house turns to his wife who is nearby and exclaims, “I WON, HONEY, I WON AGAIN!”

Boy, did I ever enjoy watching such a clever commercial. Personally, I think the ad company that came up with that particular ad and sold it to this pizza chain really believes that we would want to buy pizza from a place that employs simple-minded folks that deliver their product to even more simple-minded folks.

Then I hear that Wendy’s has decided to not have a “biggie” size anymore because we have too many overweight folks runnin’ around because they have been ordering the biggie size. The biggie size is now going to be called “medium” but will be the same exact size as the biggie size. Now, of course, we all know that if we order the medium size and not the biggie size that we won’t be as fat as a result. It doesn’t matter that we have just eaten the same amount of food ” it must be that words must account for something!!

Are we really that simple minded to swaller, pardon the pun, that kind of verbal garbage? The folks that come up with these ads certainly must believe that we are that simple-minded.

Or, let’s take ole Shaquille O’Neill, for another example. This guy plays professional basketball and is a hero to many, many millions of folks. He stands 8-feet-16 and weighs 680 zillion pounds and is as stout as a century-old redwood tree. And he makes about as many free throws as a century old redwood tree. The guy is, in my opinion, just an awkward giant that stands on his tippy toes and crams the ball down into the net. He is a lumbering giant that makes more money than the Bank of America and he can’t make as many free throws as a 13-year-old middle school girl, and we have been told that he is worth every penny he earns! I watched him shoot eight times the other night trying to make a free throw and he ain’t done it yet. I bet ya I couldn’t fit both of his sneakers in the bed of my pickup.

Are we really that simple minded? Great Scott, Charlie Brown, I really do get mad when I watch some of the junk that we get crammed down our throat as entertainment. Give me a full moon on a summer’s night with a root beer float and a red-headed woman on the porch, and I’ll show you some entertainment.

Stay tuned, check yer cinch on occasion and I’ll c. ya. v


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