Tales from the O-NO Ranch: Ambushed!
by “Mad” Jack Hanks
Gentle readers, if you recall, a few weeks ago before the National Western Stock Show in Denver, I made some predictions of what would happen to me during the show. I boldly predicted that a toothpick roller would come by my booth, graze over the artwork while rollin’ that toothpick from side-to-side. He would never smile and never leave until he had read everything on display. I predicted that a woman would stop, adore my clever cartoons and tell me, “Your work is absolutely priceless!” I would then rise up out of my chair and exclaim that actually it wasn’t priceless. All you had to do would be to look a little closer and you would find a price tag on everything! (Har har har.) I predicted that at least a dozen women would stop, fondle my coat hangin’ there and want to know where the price tag was!
Well, children, as I so boldly predicted, IT HAPPENED JUST AS I THOUGHT IT WOULD. Ya wanna know why it happened that way? It happened that way because you gentle readers have a great playful sense of humor about you. I’m sittin’ in my director’s chair sufferin’ from a mild case of shipping fever when I noticed these two big hombres standin’ across the aisle giving me a hard look.
Hummm, I wonder what this is all about? I asked myself. I looked away and then cast a firm look in their direction. That’s exactly what they wanted. They had their chance. On cue, they reached into their shirt pockets, plucked out toothpicks, stuck them in their mouths and began to roll them about as they approached my booth. “I’ve been ambushed, ain’t I boys?” I laughed. “Yep, you sure have,” they replied as they wandered off completing a successful mission.
The next day a couple approached my booth and began to pour over its contents. They were proclaiming that I had some of the neatest stuff they had ever seen.
The woman looked up at me, smiled, and said, “This stuff is so cute. It is absolutely PRICELESS!”
I was just about to go into my little speech when I realized I had been had BIG TIME!
“Ya got me didn’t ya?” I asked.
“I GOT YA!” she replied in a playful way.
I promise you, I could not count the times I was asked, “HOW MUCH DO YA WANT FOR YER COAT?” or “I just brought my wife by so she could wipe her French fried fingers on yer coat. How much do ya want for yer coat, anyway?” You guys really lifted my spirits with your clever ambushes.
It took me about 10 days before I was able to shake loose from the shipping fever and I hope that I wasn’t under the weather so much that you didn’t feel as if you were received well. I loved every minute of your blindsided jabs. I deserved them. The Stock Show is always a fun place to be and it’s always good to realize how many of you folks read the Fence Post and take the time to come by and swap howdies.
Rural folks are, without a doubt, the anchor that keeps the great vessel, America, solid in the harbor.
Stay tuned, check yer cinch on occasion and THANKS! C. ya.
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A new book describing the events leading up to the Beef Checkoff’s implementation and outlining a vast number of happenings since then has caused quite a stir.