Tales from the O-NO Ranch: The lion and Moses
April 14, 2006
by “Mad” Jack Hanks
To get to the lion (not lying) part of this column, March did come in like the proverbial lion. It was snowin’ and blowin’ around the O-NO Ranch like you wouldn’t believe. Well, actually, you would believe it if you live anywhere in northern Colorado, Wyoming, or Amarillo, Texas. Anywhere it can get cold and anywhere the wind blows a lot.
The snow was OK, I guess, except it was another one of those ole dry snows. It was hard to tell how much we got. Some places the ground was bare and in others there were 3 1/2 foot drifts. The drifts, of course, were in places like the path to the barn, the front door and in front of the garage. I shoveled them out and they drifted right back in ’cause the cotton pickin’ wind has been blowin’ like a politician up for reelection for three days.
Speakin’ of politicians, let me get to the Moses part of this column. I heard a cute story the other day and I must pass it on ’cause I believe you, like me, will get a real kick out of it.
It seems ole George Bush was in an airport in China recently with his bodyguards when he spotted an old man with a long white flowing beard, dressed in a floor-length cotton and wool robe and holding a big walkin’ stick. Mr. Bush was so taken by this old man that he approached him.
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“Excuse me sir, did anybody ever tell ya’ll that you look just like the Biblical Moses?”
The old man ignored our President and stared at the ceiling. Again, ole George persisted,
“Sir, are ya’ll hard of hearin’? I said you look just like ever picture of Moses I’ve ever seen. You ain’t him are you? You couldn’t be the real Moses come back to earth, could ya?”
Once again the old feller just ignored ole George and stared at the ceiling. Our President raised his voice once again and in his Texas twang he repeated, “Excuse me sir, I said that ya’ll look like the real Moses of the Bible. ARE YA OR AIN’T YA HIM?”
By now the President’s bodyguard had come over wanting to know if the President was havin’ a problem.
“I ain’t havin’ no problem, it’s jest that this here hombre looks just like ole Moses from the Bible and I can’t get him to tell me if he is or he ain’t!”
The old man turned to face the President and softly replied, “Yes, yes I am the real Moses from the Bible. The reason that I did not reply to your question was because THE LAST TIME I TALKED TO A BUSH I HAD TO SPEND 40 YEARS IN THE WILDERNESS!”
Cute, huh? I thought ya might enjoy that little story. I needed a cute story as I get a little cranky when it’s 10 below zero at night and 8 above for the high and a 40-mile-an-hour wind brings the wind chill to about 20-some-odd below for yer lovely March afternoon.
Oh well, by the time ya’ll read this little report, it will probably be 75 for the high and a 75-mile-an-hour wind a blowin’.
I reckon I’d take that situation over the other. Dangit, we need some moisture. I mean some real moisture. I hear the mountain snowpack is less than 50 percent of normal and there just ain’t gonna be much water this spring for my farmin’ buddies, let alone us grassland bovine administrators.
Could be next time you see a column from me I’ll be in a much better mood and I might even give a hoot about what Dan Rather, Michael Jackson, and Jennifer Lopez are doin’! Then again, maybe not.
Stay tuned, check yer cinch on occasion and I’ll C. ya.