Tales from the O-NO Ranch | TheFencePost.com

Tales from the O-NO Ranch

by “Mad” Jack Hanks

Wellington, Colo.

Gentle readers, as a general rule, fads seem to come and go. We are like proverbial sheep, we just want to fall in there and do whatever it is that everyone else is doing. Did you ever do “The Twist”? I have, and that’s the dumbest dance I believe I ever did in public. Of course, there were bell bottom pants, leisure suits, hula hoops, those little cubes that ya twist around and try to get them to line up a certain way and Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream.

We just want to wear what everybody else is wearing and do what everybody else is doin’. At least, most of us do most of the time, but not all of us all the time!

Now we got this little fad of TATTOOS! Did ya ever see so many tattoos in all yer life? My brother, who is a Baptist preacher, once told me that the little tattoo on my forearm would signal folks that I was probably a criminal. Well, I ain’t and he just happened to be wrong once in his life. I wish I had never gotten the stupid tattoo. If I had been a little older, smarter and completely sober, I wouldn’t have to look at it every day of my life.

Now little Miss Martha would never under any circumstances have a tattoo … She has a few now! What happened? Well, did you know that before a person undergoes radiation treatments they are tattooed in various places so the radiation gun can be lined up like crosshairs on a rifle to point to the place where the doses are given?

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I have never seen so many tattoos on so many young, intelligent and attractive folks like I’m seeing every day.

Heck, I don’t know, maybe a tiny rose on a well turned ankle or on a smooth, tanned shoulder blade? I have been seeing a lot of folks working in and about all these clinics and hospitals that we have been goin’ to and I cannot believe the tattoos … even on professionals!

Now, gentle readers, this may be a fad, but them tattoos ain’t gonna wash off when these folks start to get a little tired of them. You see folks with tattoos all over their backs, legs, and arms to dress themselves up a little, and that’s just the girls! I mean, for Pete’s sake, that’s why we have clothes so we can change how we look from day to day.

I was sitting in a waiting room the other day and saw this normal, educated guy with a nice haircut, walking shorts, sandals, briefcase in tow and a big tattoo on his ankle. I don’t know what it was supposed to be, it was just a big blob of black ink splattered all over the side of his ankle. He didn’t wear any socks ’cause he wanted everyone to see his new tattoo, and he was smartly stepping out and even glanced at me to see if I was lookin’ at his tattoo. A few days later I saw this young attractive nurse walking down the hall and she had this big chain tattooed around her ankle. WHY?

She sure wasn’t a women’s libber a wearin’ a chain around her ankle.

There must be some law that says you must have a tattoo to work in a nursing home. That’s where Martha’s mom is, in the old folk’s home and we have been spending a good deal of our time there as it appears she (Martha’s mom) will not be with us much longer. It seems to me that every nurse under the age of 50 has one or more tattoos somewhere on their bodies. They all wear long pants and you can still see tattoos on their ankles and get this, even on the back of some of their necks! Wouldn’t ya like to see one of your sons or grandsons come out to the house with a cute little chick wearing a tattoo of Hulk Hogan between her shoulder blades!

Girls, really now, it’s time to not be so in yer face with all these tattoos. You will regret it! Picture this: You are in the old folk’s home, layin’ in bed watchin’ that new TV show, “All My, Yours, and Our Children,” and one of yer tattoos is hanging off the bed. You know how yer skin begins to sag as you get a little older? YOU DIDN’T KNOW THAT? Well, it does and you’re gonna have tattoos spilling off yer body in every direction and you talk about disgusting! Chew on that awhile. We men really do look up to you girls as the kinder, smarter, gentler sex, and some of you are proving that that just ain’t so!

Remember, tattoos are like memories and wrinkles, they are forever! Stay tuned and check yer cinch on occasion! C. ya.