Big Macs and Whoppers
Baxter Black, DVM
No doubt most of you in the livestock business have a certain “family affection” for the fast food chains. Particularly those restaurants whose main attraction is the often disguised but still All-American hamburger. It also is true that each of us has his own particular favorite.
Organizations like the National Restaurant Association have attempted surveys to compare the merits of each burger. Readers, you will be pleased to know that the Coyote Cowboy Co. (me) has conducted its own survey. This survey was taken with an international consultant one had to advise: A Canadian Chianina breeder.
The burgers compared were the Double Whopper (hereinafter referred to as the WHOP), the Big Mac (the MAC) and Wendy’s Double Burger (the BURG). Each was ordered on a rainy night with iced tea.
The highlights of the survey are as follows:
1. TRANSPARENCY — The BURG was the only patty you could see through.
2. YIELD PERCENTAGE (Meat/offal ratio) — The BURG again had the highest yield percentage.
3. PATTY PULL TEST (for tensile strength) — The WHOP showed the resistance to tearing.
4. CIRCUMFERENTIAL PERFECTION — The MAC displayed the roundest patty.
5. SEAWORTHINESS — Both the WHOP and the BURG sank in the iced tea while the MAC floated.
1. COLOR COORDINATION — The BURG showed a certain flair with mustard, tomato and lettuce although style points were given to the MAC for the special sauce.
1. SWILL ASSIMILATION TEST — Measured in BAU (bun absorption units) … the BURG scored well against the others in the second round. With ketchup it rated 8 BAU.
2. SESAME SEED COUNT — The WHOP won hands down with 42 seeds per bun.
3. LIGHT REFRACTION — None reflected light well enough to transmit Morse code messages over long distances.
4. AERODYNAMICS — The WHOP recorded the longest flight distance but was penalized for slicing to the right.
Our survey found each hamburger to have its own peculiar advantages. The BURG rated high in BAUs and color coordination but would be less suitable than the MAC if dropped in water. Neither would be as good as the WHOP if there was ever an ALL-BEEF Frisbee throw in the Summer Olympics.
I hope the information presented here will in some small way contribute to the mounds of scientific data now available on the fast food hamburger. I’m forwarding the results to Consumer Reports. ❖
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