Gwen Petersen: In a Sow’s Ear 12-31-12

New Year’s Day is around the corner; the infant wearing the sash proclaiming a fresh go-round for the coming 12 months is almost here. Which means it’s resolution time when we’re all to think of ways to improve. Instead of resolutions, here’s a batch of limericks of trifling merit, marginal humor and containing little to no wisdom. I’ll try (resolve) to do better in 2013 …

New Year’s Resolutions

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To avoid rampant confusions

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On New Year resolutions

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Clyde quenched his thirst

With a hearty burst

Of the finest rye whiskey infusions.

There once was a cowboy named Clem-en

Who thought himself quite a gent’man.

The girls he just knew

All loved him too

But cowgirls deemed Clem-en a lemon.

The cowgirl thought she’d clean house

The thought just made her grouse.

So she found a book

And sat down to look

Which was better than getting too soused.

There once was a cowgirl who never

Dusted her furniture, ever.

When asked why this was

She said, “I don’t fuss

With Nature’s dirt whatsoever!”

There once was a cowgirl wore earmuffs

To keep out winter’s bitter thrusts.

They look kinda funny

For they’re made from a bunny’s

Hindquarters cottontail fluff.

They say there’s a fiscal cliff

We’re all going over in a jiff.

Don’t know about you

Or what we’ll do

But I for one, am miffed.

There once was a cowboy on New Year’s

Who had far too many cold beers.

His bladder swelled

But his zipper held

And he wound up shedding large tears.

She wrote from dawn to dusk

And frequently she fussed

That her poems were wrong

And so were her songs

So she cussed and cussed and cussed.

The cowgirl took the course

In anger management by force

For what she did

To a bratty kid

Who was throwing rocks at her horse. ❖