Gwen Petersen: In a Sow’s Ear 12-31-12
New Year’s Day is around the corner; the infant wearing the sash proclaiming a fresh go-round for the coming 12 months is almost here. Which means it’s resolution time when we’re all to think of ways to improve. Instead of resolutions, here’s a batch of limericks of trifling merit, marginal humor and containing little to no wisdom. I’ll try (resolve) to do better in 2013 …
New Year’s Resolutions
To avoid rampant confusions
On New Year resolutions
Clyde quenched his thirst
With a hearty burst
Of the finest rye whiskey infusions.
There once was a cowboy named Clem-en
Who thought himself quite a gent’man.
The girls he just knew
All loved him too
But cowgirls deemed Clem-en a lemon.
The cowgirl thought she’d clean house
The thought just made her grouse.
So she found a book
And sat down to look
Which was better than getting too soused.
There once was a cowgirl who never
Dusted her furniture, ever.
When asked why this was
She said, “I don’t fuss
With Nature’s dirt whatsoever!”
There once was a cowgirl wore earmuffs
To keep out winter’s bitter thrusts.
They look kinda funny
For they’re made from a bunny’s
Hindquarters cottontail fluff.
They say there’s a fiscal cliff
We’re all going over in a jiff.
Don’t know about you
Or what we’ll do
But I for one, am miffed.
There once was a cowboy on New Year’s
Who had far too many cold beers.
His bladder swelled
But his zipper held
And he wound up shedding large tears.
She wrote from dawn to dusk
And frequently she fussed
That her poems were wrong
And so were her songs
So she cussed and cussed and cussed.
The cowgirl took the course
In anger management by force
For what she did
To a bratty kid
Who was throwing rocks at her horse. ❖
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