Ha-ha-ga-rass-ment-ay
Those two intrepid golden-years cowgirls, Myrtle and Mavis, were discussing one of the current scandals spewing across newspaper headlines, bouncing around in social media and providing juicy grist for gossip mongers all over the planet.
Mavis: “What’s this harassment stuff everybody’s talking about?”
Myrtle: “Well, that’s when males hit on females.”
Mavis: “So, what’s new about that?”
Myrtle: “Not much. Been goin’ on since Adam was a dude.”
Mavis: “So, what’s the problem?”
Myrtle: “Some fellers get real obnoxious.”
Mavis: “So, what’s new about that?”
Myrtle: “Nothin’.”
Mavis: “So, what’s the problem?”
Myrtle: “What I said. Gals don’t like obnoxious fellers.”
Mavis: “Hmmmn. I kinda remember those days.”
Myrtle: “Yeah?”
Mavis: “Uh-huh. I wrote a song about it. You can help me sing it at the Codger Follies Vaudeville Show at the Senior Center next Tuesday.”
Myrtle: “Yeah?”
Mavis: “Uh-huh. It’s to the tune of Ta-Ra-Ra-Boom-De-Ay. I call it Ha-Ha Ha-Rass-Ment-Ay. Every time we do the rass-ment-ay part, we have to high-kick a leg.”
HA-HA-HA-RASS-MENT-AY
If a guy should look at she
Thinking thoughts quite lewdedly
Puts a hand upon her knee
And other places one can’t see
If he’s a man who says she must
Give in to his wanton lust
Why, that’s the thing she’s always cussed
Oh, he’s the one she cannot trust
CHORUS
Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay
Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay
Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay
Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay
Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay
Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay
Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay
A smart and stylish gal was she
Courteous propriety
But he patted her unduly
Got obnoxious and unruly
And took her out to dine
And plied her with the finest wine
She took it as a warning sign
He’s feeding her a cunning line
CHORUS
Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay
Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay
Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay
Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay
Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay
Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay
Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay
Now in her Golden Years, ‘tis true
Fellers now are seldom rude
Now she’s sad and kinda blue
Missing days she used to rue
No one attempts molesting she
Or puts a hand upon her knee
Now EVERYBODY lets her be
From harassment now — she’s free!
CHORUS
Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay
Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay
Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay
Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay
Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay
Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay
Ha-ha-ha-rass-ment-ay
On Tuesday, at the Senior Center Codger Follies, Mavis and Myrtle were enormously appreciated. In fact, they’re talking about taking the act “on the road” to other Senior Centers.
But first they plan to master the high kick. Even using walkers for bracing, 3 or 4 inches up from the floor was about as high as they could elevate their legs.
Myrtle: “We should get in shape.”
Mavis: “I’m in no shape to get in shape. What could we possibly do?”
Myrtle: “We could try acupuncture.”
Mavis: “Naaa. Can’t stand needles.”
Myrtle: “What about jogging?”
Mavis: “Naaa. Too much heavy breathing. People would think we’re having a asthma attacks.”
Myrtle: “Maybe bicycling?”
Mavis: “Naaa. Too dangerous. I tried an exercise bike. I fell off the blamed thing and bruised my hip.”
Myrtle and Mavis gave up the high-kick part of Ha-Ha-Ha-Rass-Ment-Ay. They’ve settled for three shuffles forward on Ha, Ha, Ha and three shuffles back on Rass-ment-ay! Followed by smartly smacking the floor with their canes.❖
