Infamous vegetarians

It’s the Pitts
Lee Pitts
Los Osos, Calif.

I’m getting sick and tired of vegans and vegetarians bragging about all the famous people down through history who were vegetarians for at least part of their lives. I’ll admit it’s a pretty impressive list: Mahatma Ghandi, Albert Einstein, Ben Franklin, Thomas Edison, George Bernard Shaw, Steve Jobs, Paul McCartney, Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook fame, Martina Navaratilova and Leonardo de Vinci. Although there’s some question about Leonardo because he wrote everything down in notebooks including his shopping lists which seem to have always included meat. And he wasn’t afraid to use paints made with chicken eggs, which seems like the only good use for them I can think of.

The tofu-eaters brag less about other famous vegetarians like Mike Tyson, Russell Simmons, Ellen Degeneres, Pamela Boom Boom Anderson, Ozzy Osbourne, Mr. Rogers, Prince, Bill Clinton and somebody called Moby. Another guy who was missing a few corn flakes from his box was John Harvey Kellogg who seemed to live on crackers. He sure seems crackers.

I also found a list of veg heads that included someone called Walter “Killer” Kowalski. I don’t know who “Killer” was but you’d be surprised at how many mass murderers were vegetarians, yet you don’t hear PETA bragging about them.

Two can play at this claim game. Some non-flesh-eating barbarian vegetarians included Genghis Kahn who killed 1,780,000 people in just one hour. Pol Pot, who murdered 2 million Cambodians, or one quarter of his fellow countrymen was also an avowed vegan. Some insist that Idi Amin was a vegetarian but I was unable to confirm or deny this. The same is true of Joseph Stalin who mostly ate walnuts, garlic, plums and pomegranates. He also drank copious amounts of wine. I know I’d need something to dull the guilt I’d feel if I murdered as many people as Stalin did.

There is no question about Charles Manson being a confirmed vegetarian and he is also very vocal about animal rights. I guess it’s okay to kill people but you better not be killing any puppy dogs! One of Manson’s murdering female followers was Squeaky Fromme, also a vegetarian. A more recent vegan gone mad was Adam Lanza, the nut job who killed 20 innocent kids in 2012 at Sandy Hook Elementary school in Newton, Conn.

I could go on like this naming mass murderers who were also vegetarians but I can’t quit without including the most hated man in history who was responsible for millions of deaths. Yes, there can be no denying that Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian. After his suicide in the bunker scientists tested the enamel in his teeth and found absolutely no traces of meat. Yet you don’t hear PETA brag about that fact in any of their advertising and promotion.

Joseph Goebbels, who was Hitler’s propaganda minister, developed this whole media campaign around the idea that Hitler loved animals so much that he couldn’t eat them and this proved that he could never have any people killed. Needless to say, it was not the most successful propaganda campaign in history, if you know what I mean? Hitler was also said to be an ardent opponent of torture and the dissection of animals. I guess it didn’t bother him that his Nazi underlings chopped up and gassed millions of humans before burying most of them in mass graves. But you better not be kicking any cats around!

Hitler often had meetings with his top Nazis and always tried to dissuade his colleagues from eating any meat. Rudolf Hess, Hitler’s Deputy Fuhrer, was so vegan that he brought his own veggie meals to these dinners. At the end of his life Hitler mostly ate clear soup and mashed potatoes. No wonder he suffered terribly from hemorrhoids and had very low testosterone levels.

Hitler’s post-war plans included transforming everyone in the German occupied countries into vegetarians. Hitler predicted, “There is one thing I can predict to eaters of meat, the future of the world will be vegetarian.”

That’s just one more reason we can all thank our brave men and women who helped defeat Hitler.

Discovering so many vegetarian mass murderers down through the ages makes me wonder, could it have been something they ate that made them so deranged? Or, was it something they didn’t eat … like red meat? ❖

Lee Pitts

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