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Aggie limericks roll on

Laugh Tracks in the Dust
Milo Yield
Damphewmore Acres, Kan.

I’m on a roll with aggie limericks. So, let the good time’s keep rolling.

• • •

A fat arthritic farmer named Gant.

Bought braces to hold up his pants.

Told his friends with a chuckle,


“I know my knees buckle.

But I’ll bet you ten bucks my belt can’t.”

• • •

A elite carpenter named Sawyer Bord,

Starved out by his own accord.

‘Cause the cabinets he built

We’re maxed out to the hilt.

And so expensive no one could afford.

• • •

A wannabe welder named Glead.

Enrolled at tech school for his need.

Alas, he flunked out of class

With a rank of dead last.

‘Cause he never could weld a good bead.

• • •

An archery hunter named Chris

Went buck-less because of this:

When aiming arrow at deer

He got plain ‘buck fear,’

And when his bow twanged, he would miss.

• • •

A cow doctor with a New Year’s hangover

Was out in a pasture near Andover,

When nausea he felt

Right under his belt.

And he puked right there in the clover.

• • •

A combine operator named Bell

Had a problem with rushing pell-mell

Through field gates he’d dash,

To an inevitable crash,

And leave all the gates smashed to hell.

• • •

A young aggie grad named “Slick.”

Compared to light, he wuz twice as quick.

Young “Slick” was so fast,

He did first things last.

And before he would plant, he would pick.

• • •

A shapely stock showman named Clair

Showed steers with such elan and flair.

That when the judge eyed the class,

He blurted, “That lass

Has the best derrière, not the steer.”

• • •

A tax-frazzled farmer named Lott

Had fiscally all gone to pot.

To the tax man he blustered

“You’ve got me all flustered

Because you already have all I’ve got.”

• • •

A grumpy old gent named Dude

Was lewd, foul-mouthed, and crude.

He said “It’s pure folly,

For me to act jolly

Being grumpy’s just my attitude.”

• • •

A plug-chewing Grandpa named Jedd Ed.

Drooled Red Man since the day he was wedded.

Told his grandkids with a grin,

“I’ve got a hole in my chin.

Either that or I’m not level-headed.”

• • •

New Year’s Eve is not to far past that a humorous story isn’t still appropro. So here’s one I like:

On New Year’s Eve, farm wife Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.

Those are sorta wise words, so I’m gonna quit. Have a good ‘un. ❖




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