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Enjoy these limericks

Laugh Tracks in the Dust
Milo Yield
Damphewmore Acres, Kan.

It’s been a spell since I’ve had any aggie limericks in my column. And, since I happen to believe that the limerick is the most fun form of poetry, I’m gonna correct that oversight with some of those clever little verses for the next few weeks Here goes.

• • •

A yokel just a little bit dense.

Relieved himself on a high-tensile fence.

When he bent over double,

He screamed out his trouble,

“110 volts is too much for this gent.”

When the yokel got over his shock.

He looked at the well-fenced-in flock.

He said, “No wonder they stay

Where they’re put — and don’t stray.

That wire just blew off my socks.”

***

A roofing contractor named Dale.

Smashed his thumb every day without fail.

One day he said, “I’m not dumb.

I’ll save my poor mangled thumb.

By using pliers to hold on to the nail.”

• • •

I read that that scrumptious meal, Spam, is having a record year for sales. That prompted me to compose a little limerick about that pink, slimy meal.

• • •

There once was a piglet named Sam.

Whose goal in life was to be Spam.

Alas, Sam had a bad fate

‘Cause when put on a plate.

Sam was only a plain boneless ham.

• • •

A colorblind pheasant hunter named Ben

Said, “I have lots of trouble hunting when

I get fines, not just warnin’s

From all the game wardens,

‘Cause I can’t tell a cock from a hen.”

• • •

A feeble old rancher named Tyson.

Told his heirs, “Listen up. I’m advisin’.

You still have a slight chance

Of an inheritance.

If I die when cattle prices are risin’.

• • •

A Skoal-chewing rustler named Roose

Got caught while trying to vamoose.

‘Cause his truck was known far and wide

For what was smeared down its side.

A nasty mix of manure and Snoose.

• • •

There once was a cowhand named Buck.

Castrating a calf in the back of his truck.

But, the calf kicked the knife,

And, forever changed both their lives,

One’s still a bull, the other a eunoch.

• • •

Chief’s quarterback Patrick Mahomes

Brought wins both away and at home.

He’s brought the Chief’s Nation

To an elevated station.

And, he did it with calm and aplomb.

• • •

It’s time for a nod of thanks to Grady Cee at Silverthorne, Colo,, for out-of-the-blue mailing me historical ranching pictures of the Keystone Resort area of central Colorado where my family gathered for Thanksgiving week.

It’s hard to believe that in two generations the area changed from a pure highland ranching community to an upscale skiiing and general entertainment resort.

The old pictures of Dr. Alan Rice’s hay barns and the like that Grady sent me made me nostalgic for the good ol’ days. Thanks for thinking of me and saying I’d have felt right at home in my bib overalls back in the day.

• • •

Well, in case you haven’t noticed — summer is on its way. The days are getting longer. And, it’s time for a few words of wisdom for the week. I’ll start with if guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk, and spoons make people fat. Also, if readers sometimes question the way I think and act, remember that I was left unsupervised most of my childhood. Have a good ‘un. ❖


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