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Finding ways to smile and laugh

Living through the coronavirus pandemic causes some unusual things to happen from social distancing. For ol’ Nevah and me “eating out” means eating at Sonic and having our meal brought to us, or it means going through some establishment’s carry out line and having our meal handed to us through a window.

I might add that all the stress that comes from the pandemic sometimes shows up in the way people interact. I got involved in such a situation just a few days ago. Here’s what happened:

Ol’ Nevah and I were in the carry out lane at the local Brahm’s hamburger/ice cream store. It wuz a long slow line. Well, when we got up to the “order” window, I wuz placing our order when an impatient fellow behind me honked and flipped me the bird because he thought I wuz taking too long to place our order.

So, just to make a point, I told the young lady behind the window, “I want to pay for the meal of that impatient fellow behind me.” So, I gave her plenty of money to pay for his order and told her to keep the change.


When I moved up to the “delivery” window, I glanced in my rear view window. When the young lady explained to the impatient fellow that I’d paid for his meal, he immediately leaned out the window and yelled at me, “Hey, good buddy. I’m sorry for the honk and the impatience. That wuz a kind gesture of goodwill. Thanks.”

I gave him a casual wave back, but I showed the young man at the “delivery” window both receipts for the two meals I’d paid for.

He handed me both meals and I skedaddled out of there pronto. Did I feel guilty? Nope, I paid for both meals. They were mine. And now that impatient fellow may have learned a lesson.

•••

Is the above story true? Nope, but it made for a funny story and that’s all I’m concerned about now — finding funny things that make me smile or laugh out loud.

•••

Scariest and funniest thing I’ve heard about CV yet came from a prominent political operative. He said, “The coronavirus is killing people who haven’t died before.”

That’s scary because I ain’t never died before.

•••

Second funniest thing I’ve heard about CV: I head into a grocery store that has a person outside checking incoming customers for CV. He asks me: “To the best of your knowledge have you unknowingly been in close contact with someone who has the CV virus?”

I reply: “If it wuz without my knowledge, how would I know?”

He replied with a knowing, friendly smile: “That’s why we ask.”

•••

Here’s a bit of black humor about the pandemic:

In a convent in upper Minnesota, old Mother Superior lay quietly, most likely on her death bed suffering from COVID-19. The nuns gathered around her bed, laying garlands around her and trying to make her last journey comfortable. They wanted to give her warm milk to drink, but she declined. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.

Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the milk.

Back at Mother Superior’s bed, they lifted her head gently and held the glass to her lips. The frail nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.

As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader. “Mother,” the closest nun asked earnestly, “please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us.”

She raised herself up very slowly in the bed on one elbow, looked at them and said, “Do NOT sell that cow!”

•••

Here’s what happened in a rural county court house trial.

Attorney: “About this disease you claim to have, does it affect your memory?

Farmer witness: Yes.

Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

Farmer witness: I forget.

Attorney: “You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

Farmer witness: “Can you repeat the question? I forgot what you asked.”

•••

An 80-year-old farmer, whose ears had endured 60 years of tractor noise and wifely henpecking, told his neighbor at the local co-op coffee pot, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”

His equally old neighbor replied, “Really,? What kind is it?”

The first farmer answered: “Twelve thirty. Let’s go eat.”

•••

Words of wisdom to help get you through another CV week: “Women and cats will do as they please — and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”

Have a good ‘un. ❖




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