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Illegal fire-arm

Gasoline prices are really getting high. Last week I topped off the tank of our SUV and I quit at $60 and could have put more in the tank. With the Russian/Ukranian war started, international unrest everywhere, coupled with federal policy against fossil fuels, I wonder where the top of fuel prices will be? And, I wonder what the political fallout from high fuel prices will be? Guess we’ll see in the midterm elections.

***

Which reminds me of a story about a farmer who stopped at his local gas station and fueled up his pickup. He accidentally spilled a little gas on his sleeve, but not a big problem becuz the weather wuz warm.



However, as he wuz going out of town headed home, he lit a cigarette and threw the match out the window. That wuz when he developed a bigger problem. His shirt sleeve arm accidentally caught on fire. Thinking fast, the farmer shoved it out the window — hoping to fan the fire out with the wind.

That didn’t work. It just made the flames get higher and hotter. As it happened, a sheriff deputy happened to be following the farmer out of town.



The deputy saw what wuz happening and immediately raced ahead of the farmer, siren blasting, pulled him over to the shoulder of the road.

You’re thinking the deputy put out the flaming shirt arm? Nope. He gave the farmer a ticket. What for you ask? Why illegal display of a “fire-arm,” of course.

***

A city businessman is traveling through the country on his way to his next sales meeting. It’s early evening during the winter as he drove into a small rural town and sees a sign for the Dew Drop In Tavern.

He’s going to spend the night locally, so the salesman decided to relax with a draft beer. So, he enters the tavern, takes a stool at the bar and orders a draft beer. As he is waiting to be served, he notices a lot of people sitting and visiting quietly at the tables in the establishment.

The bartender brings the salesman his beer and says, “That’ll be 25-cents.”

The salesman can’t believe his ears — draft beer for a quarter? So, he asks the barkeep, “If draft beer is a quarter, how much are mixed drinks.”

The barkeep says the mixed drinks are 50-cents.

Astounded, the salesman exclaims, “How in the world can you make money at those prices?”

The bartender explains that he had a very profitable farm implement bizness in the town, plus he’d sold all his farmland for a tidy sum that assured his easy retirement, so he needed a change and decided to open a bar and give something back to the people that helped him all those years.

The salesman looked around at all the people at the tables and asked the bartender, “Why aren’t they drinking at these unbelievable prices?”

The bartender told him, “Oh, they’re all farmers and ranchers waiting for Happy Hour prices to start.”

***

Computer snafus from hacking viruses seem to be happening more and more frequently. And, the computers of farmers and ranchers aren’t immune to expensive and nuisance viruses. In fact, such viruses are becoming commonplace.

I did a check on the internet search DuckDuckGo for “new aggie computer viruses” and here’s the results:

• The “Big Freeze Virus” — This ornery critter will affect your crop production records. After having entered all your planting data, weed control maps, and soil types, then just before harvest, your computer freezes up and all data is lost. The only cure is to “replant” ( re-enter your data) and start all over again.

• The” Sore Teat” virus — This little varmint affects cow-calf records. As soon as you enter the birth records of a calf, the main program “kicks off” the calf data and won’t let it attach to the records. The poor data then circulates among all the cow records, getting kicked off by each file. The only cure is to open an attachment file and physically reattach the calf data file to the cow records as many times as necessary.

• The “Hired Help” virus — This nuisance virus will attach itself to the Help section of your computer business program. This usually happened in the fall after all the farm work is done. The file then automatically makes exaggerated claims all winter on your screen as to it’s ability to do wonderful things. Just as the spring farm work season approaches, this virus will corrupt the Help section and quit your computer, leaving you to do all the work without any help.

• The “Scattered Tools” virus — This virus operates when anyone under 16 years of age, usually male, runs the computer. It attacks by scattering your Tools all over the hard drive. Whenever you need a tool, you have to search all the computer files to find the one you need. No cure, except, eventually, when the virus has little viruses of it’s own, it gets a just reward.

***

Flint Hills weather is so-o-o fickle. Yesterday was around 70 degrees. This morning it was 4 degrees. Yuk and br-r-r.

Words of wisdom for the week: “A successful doctor is one who can keep his patients alive long enough for nature to heal them.” Have a good ‘un.

Milo Yield

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