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Laugh Tracks in the Dust

 

The visit of my ol’ college buddy, Claude Hopper, from Pratt went well. We got in two days of productive fishing and unproductive, but fun, BS-ing.

In total we fished nine ponds and caught more than 80 fish. I’m dejected to say that Claude caught the biggest fish — a 4.5 pound bass. However, my consolation prize wuz catching all the catfish. I landed three of the biggest bullhead catfish I’ve ever caught in a pond we seldom fish.

The biggest bullhead went around 2 pounds. Plus, the bait I used was unconventional. They all bit on big, juicy white Junebug grubworms that I got out of my big compost pile. Collecting the grubs wuz a task in itself. I used the front end loader on the tractor to scoop up a load of partially-decayed compose. The trick wuz to get the grubs before the hens in my chicken flock could get them. I finally had to manually scrape compost from the lifted loader and fight the chickens for each one that fell to the ground. Next time I do that, I’ll leave the chickens in their pen while I collect fish bait.



***

I mentioned a while back that we had out-of-state friends participating in the Disk Golf Extravaganza in and around Emporia. Well, we must have fed and bedded them well because one of the group, ol’ Ray “Deadeye” Slinger from Branson, Mo., won the Master’s Division of the tourney. Congrats, Ray.



***

After watching the political scene the last few months, I felt the urge to make a poetic comment upon the green revolution. Here it is:

THE DAY THE “GREENIES” TAKE OVER

The day the Greenies take over

They’ll be on a governmental roll.

They won’t have to compromise

Now that they have total control.

They’ll grabbed ahold of the budget,

The Park Service and USDA.

Plus, Interior and FIFRA.

And that environmental goldmine — the EPA.

The Environmental Super Fund

Will bankroll their aspirations.

To buy up all the wilderness lands

They intend for usurpation.

They’ll shut down the mines as quick as they can.

And cut forestry to the bone.

And to keep the bothersome tourists away,

They’ll fence off ol’ Yellowstone.

The buffalo and elk will be free to go

And graze in peace on private lands.

While cattle and sheep on federal range

Will be deemed a hazard to Man.

They’ll reintroduce cougar, grizzly and wolf

In places near civilization.

While giving the safety of children, calves and lambs,

Little or no consideration.

The smell of manure in a hog lot lagoon

Will send them to Congress all a’hyper.

To demand legislation that will make it a crime

For a hog to not wear a diaper.

Weeds and bugs, and parasites, too.

On life will get new leases.

Because the poor farmer and rancher

Can’t control them as he pleases.

There’ll be no more herbicides.

That might leak into water.

And, they’ll assert that a dumb ol’ farmer.

Sure can’t apply them like he oughter.

You’ll have to get a license to farm.

And the Greens will administer the test.

With a Greenie looking over your shoulder.

You can figger out the rest.

Animal health research will end that day.

Labs will yield no more magic cures.

And scientists will go on welfare

‘Cause their budgets will be cut — for sure.

The day the Greenies take over.

Will be a sad day in history.

They’ll lay waste to the U.S. economy

As far as the eye can see.

A rational balance between Nature and Man

Won’t be considered for nary a smidgeon.

So the American farmer and American jobs

Will go the way of the Passenger Pigeon.

***

The above will suffice for my words of wisdom for the week. Have a good ‘un.


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