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Making a pitch for Ag Olympic Games

Well, folks, I hope you’ve enjoyed watching the Olympic Games in Tokyo. To me it’s always exciting to see athletes train hard and do their very best to compete against each other on the world stage. There are a lot of heart-warming stories.

I always feel national pride when I see Americans stand on the podium and receive their gold, silver or bronze medals. Of course, I wish the few athletes who feel compelled to protest something or another from the podium would pick another place and time to engage their right to protest. Oh well, to each his own.

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While the Olympic Games are exciting, to me they do lack something compelling to keep my interest up. That “lack” is this: the games have nuthin’ to do with agriculture.

That’s why I wish rotating nations would host the Aggie Olympic Games (AOG) every four years. The farmers and ranchers who grow the globe’s food and fiber deserve to showcase their extensive skills on the world stage.



Why, I’ve even got some suggestions about competitions the AOG could feature.

How about the “Zerk Race?” It would have individuals and teams compete to see who could grease a tractor/loader, a combine, and a cotton picker the fastest.

Or, how about the “Pit Race?” In this race competitors would see who could haul and empty a manure lagoon and evenly spread the contents the fastest.

I’d include a “Headgate Catch” event. Cowboys would measure their reflex time when they attempt to catch a speeding calf that hits the squeeze chute at warp speed. A total miss would mean disqualification.

Not to leave the horticulturists out, there would be men and women events in picking apples, peaches, pears, cherries and strawberries.

Irrigation experts need their AOG event, too. How about a contest to mechanically dig a 100-meter irrigation ditch, install irrigation gates and start water running from each gate?

No AOG would be complete without a sheep shearing contest, also a horseshoeing competition.

And for the veterinarians we could have a cow pregnancy testing event — winner based upon accuracy, volume and speed.

Fence builders could compete in a “Fence Building” event. Contestants would compete to complete a quarter-mile fence from start to finish.

Farm and ranch wives could compete in the “Farm Gate” event. They would compete to open and close a tight five-wire barbed-wire gate in the fastest time.

Also for the distaff side, how about a “Farm Truck Backing” event — winner based upon both preciseness and speed?

Competition for elder farmer/ranchers would include a speed event for loading semi-trailers with both big round hay bales and big square hay bales using a mechanical loader.

Poultry producers couldn’t be left out. The AOG could host a “Poultry Barn Prep” contest so see who is fastest at preparing a huge poultry barn for new chicks.

And with a nod toward agriculture events from the past, how about a “Hay Bale Loading by Hand” event? Contestants would load small square bales from the ground onto a truck five bales high. This AOG event might keep handling hay bales by hand from going extinct and it might spur sales of hay hooks.

Similarly, nostalgic competitions would be the “Cow Milking by Hand” event. Another could be the “Corn-Husking by Hand” event. Another could be a “Chicken-Plucking by Hand.” Still another could be the “50-meter Corn Row Hoeing” event.

Don’t you think farmers and ranchers around the globe would enjoy the Aggie Olympic Games? There could certainly be enuf aggie advertisers to support RFD-TV coverage.

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On the home front, ol’ Nevah and I have canned 40 pints of green beans, with more to come. Still not enuf tomatoes to can, but plenty to eat. The acorn squash are blooming now and the zuch vines are headed south.

Some varmint — I don’t know if it was air-based or ground based — killed one of my white hens a couple of days ago. I hope it wuz just a hungry migrating hawk that won’t be back for seconds.

We missed all the rains, but I sure have welcomed the last four days of cooler temps and lower humidity.

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I’m gonna be adding “Fantastic Farming Tales” to this column on occasion. I’ll start it off with this one: “We had a small-town grocer who was ill-tempered and ill-liked. So, when we were in high school, one busy Saturday night we boys caught a stray Tom cat and clipped a clothespin on its tail. We pitched it in the grocery store’s back door and watched and laughed as all hell transpired. It was the closest thing to a riot we ever had in our home town.”

***

Words of wisdom for the week: “Don’t steal. The government hates competition.” Also, “Just when you think you’ve won the rat race, along comes faster rats.”

Have a good ‘un.


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