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Safety with a few ISIS flags

Milo Yiled
Laugh Tracks in the Dust, Damphewmore Acres, Kan.

Well, good folks, it finally happened. We got enough rain for the runoff to fill our four-acre leaky pond. More than 2 inches of rain this week came down so nice and slow that it took two days for our pond to fill. It wuz perfect.

And, I even got one other planting done just before the rains came. I’ve used the tractor and front in loader to push in the sides and sort of level off an ancient old pit silo at Damphewmore Acres. Hopefully, the new seedings will grow and I can mow this summer what used to be an eye-sore.

***



Nevah and I didn’t ask for our non-Covid relief stimulus money, but we got the direct deposits this week anyway. I think I’ll spend mine wisely by hiring a contractor with a tree-saw to cut invasive cedar and hedge trees in one of my pastures. That spending will not only provide a well-paying job for a day or two, it will improve the overall environment, which will be offset by methane gas producing bovines who eat the improved pasture grasses. 😉

My personal opinion is that this “relief” bill was poorly crafted and passed. There’s a good chance it will cause more economic problems in the long-run than it will solve.



***

This happened recently and is important information for us old geezers and geezerettes.

An old farmer got his second dose of the Covid vaccine at the vaccination center after which he began to have blurred vision on the way home.

When he got home, he called the vaccination center for advice and to ask if he should go see a doctor, or be hospitalized.

He was told NOT to go to a doctor or a hospital, but just return to the vaccination center immediately and pick up his glasses.

***

We live in dangerous times that require innovative actions to protect life and property. A good friend of mine, ol’ “Flip” deScripp, provided good thinking about the best, and cheapest way for him to achieve personal and property protection.

So, he told me that he took down his Confederate States flag (which he points out can’t be bought on EBAY any more) and peeled the NRA sticker off his front window. Then he disconnected his home alarm system and quit Neighborhood Watch. Then he bought two black flags of ISIS (which he points out can be bought on EBAY) and put then on either side of his driveway.

Now, Flip says, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching his house 24/7. He sez he never felt safer and he’s saving $70 a month that his old home security system cost.

***

Another farmer I know, ol’ Hesin T. Rouble, decided to buy his poor, but aging, mother-in-law an expensive cemetery plot as a birthday gift.

The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift for her birthday and his mother-in-law asked why.

He replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”

And that’s how he got written out of her will.

***

A rancher’s wife, cranky because her husband was essentially ignoring her during the long calving season, decides to leave a note on the bedroom dresser, saying, “I’ve had enough and have left you. You’ve been ignoring me. Don’t bother coming after me.” Then she hides under the bed to see his reaction.

After a short while, her husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up her note.

After a few minutes, she hears him write something and then pick up the phone and call someone.

Here’s the conversation she hears: ”She’s finally gone … yeah I know, it is about time, I’m coming to see you. Wear something sexy. I love you. Can’t wait to see you. We’ll let our imaginations run wild.”

He hangs up, puts on his mackinaw and mud boots and leaves the house.

The wife hears the door slam and comes out from under the bed, seething with rage and with tears in her eyes. She grabs his note to see what he wrote.

He’s written: ”I can see your feet. Gotta check the heifers one more time before bedtime. Be back in a few minutes.”

***

Wise words for the week: The question of when life begins isn’t at the moment of conception or the moment of birth. Life really begins when all the kids are married, have grandkids, and have successful careers — and when your last pet goes to Pet Heaven.

The biggest Super Bowl in history is still to be played. It will be the Patriots versus the Stealers.

Did you know: In Mexico voter registrations cards have a photograph and fingerprint, plus a hologram to prevent forgery?

Thoughtful question for the week: Who is the person who will decide to turn off the natural gas supply to the White House?

Have a good ‘un.


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Milo Yield

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