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‘Words Women Use’

Usually when I stray beyond rural topics, and venture into human relationship topics, I get negative repercussions from some folks or some groups.

But, sometimes I think delving into the intricacies of human relationships and conversations, especially between women and men, is worth the risk and can yield benefits to the human race — rural, suburban and urban. So, with that thought in mind (and because I’m getting too old to really care what anyone thinks anymore), here is a look into the intricacies and interpretations behind the real meaning of “Words Women Use” when in the company of men.

As my front line of defense, I will mention that these “words” were sent to me by our daughter in Tennessee. She’s had many years of happy and fruitful marriage and raised four delightful grandkids, so I’m taking the stance that she knows what she’s talking about — and I’m sticking to it.



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WORDS WOMEN USE



“FINE”

This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about, but need to shut you up. Never use “fine” to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

“5 MINUTES”

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the 5 minutes that your football game or rodeo program is going to last before we can have the TV remote, so we feel that it’s an even trade.

“NOTHING”

This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “5 Minutes” and end with the word “Fine.’

“GO AHEAD” (with raised eyebrows)

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine.”

“GO AHEAD” (normal eyebrows)

This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care.”You will get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “5 Minutes,” when she cools off.

“LOUD SIGH”

Not actually a word, but is still a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing.”

“SOFT SIGH”

Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move, breathe, and stay mute and hope she will stay content.

“THAT’S OKAY”

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. “That’s Okay” means it’s not OK and she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead.” At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

“PLEASE DO”

This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay.”

“THANKS”

A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say “you’re welcome.”

“THANKS A LOT”

This is much different than “Thanks.” A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by “the loud sigh.” Be careful not to ask “what is wrong?” after the “loud sigh” as she will only tell you “nothing.”

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The first breath of fall is arriving. The scalding days are cooling off quicker in the evenings as the days shorten noticeably. However, it’s the arrival of the first late summer wild flowers that are my most pleasant signal of the impending fall. To wit, the first of the many kinds to yellow sunflowers — the Maximilians — have arrived, as has the white Snow-on-the-Mountain, which is in full bloom. Iron Weed, although a nuisance in pastures, has quite pretty purple blooms.

From now through September more and more beautiful fall prairie wild flowers will be showing up. I’m eager for the Blazing Star’s to start blooming.

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Words question for this week: “Ever wonder how many voters are turning over in their graves these days?” Have a good ‘un.

Milo Yield

Strange doin’s

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Some weeks at Damphewmore Acres just end up having more doin’s than other weeks. But this week took the prize in “strange doin’s.”



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