Petersen: Clyde and Jerome
Recently an eager young film person (call her Twyla) hailing from a “sophisticated” Metropolis arrived on the scene. She planned to interview Clyde and Jerome, a pair of retired cowpokes who’ve seen it all, done it all and have pretty much forgotten great gobs of it.
Twyla planned an entire documentary on genus cowboyus. She had heard the cliché that cowboys are yep and nope people, so her first question to Clyde and Jerome was: “Is it true that cowboys frequently answer questions with a yep or nope?”
Clyde: “Yep.”
Jerome: “Yep”
“Twyla planned an entire documentary on genus cowboyus.”
Twyla jotted something on her notepad, then asked, “Do you have a big spread?”
Clyde: “Yep.”
Jerome: “Well, Clyde does.”
Twyla’s sharpie jotted something. “Er”, she said, “How many cows are there in a herd?”
Clyde: “Yep.”
Jerome: “Yep.”
Twyla: “Do you ride horses?”
Clyde: “Yep.”
Jerome: “Yep.”
Twyla: “Do you have a horse?”
Clyde: “Yep.”
Jerome: Yep
Twyla: “As a cowboy, do you work more than 40 hours a week?”
Clyde: “Yep.”
Jerome: “Yep”
Twyla: “I notice that cowboys dress in boots, jeans and western hat. Do you ever have need of a three-piece tailored suit with a tie?”
Clyde: “Nope.”
Jerome: “Got one at the Salvation Army. Wore it to a funeral and a weddin’.”
Clyde: “Jerome likes ta be prepared.”
Twyla, beginning to branch out: “Where do cowboys go on vacation?”
Clyde: “What’s a vacation?”
Jerome: “What he said.”
Twyla: “As a cowboy, does your employer provide you with health insurance?”
Clyde: “Nope”
Jerome: “Nope”
Twyla: “What do you do if you get sick or hurt?”
Clyde: “Git better.”
Jerome: “Heal up.”
Twyla: “Do you know how to use a lasso?”
Clyde: “Yep.”
Jerome: “Yep.”
Twyla: “What’s your opinion of vegetarians?”
Clyde: “Vegetarian is an Indian word for danged-poor hunter.”
Jerome: “Yep.”
Clyde: “Ya can’t make leather out of cauliflower er broccoli.”
Jerome: “Nope.”
Twyla gave up. She was unable to coax real conversation out of the pair. Clyde and Jerome endured the questions politely.
After Twyla had departed, Clyde observed, “Pretty little filly.”
Jerome: “Yep. But kinda talky.”❖
